


Loves Me Not

by serviceace



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Casual Dating!KuroIwa at some point as well but IwaOi is endgame, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Iwaizumi Hajime and Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Canon, Queerplatonic Relationships, Relationship Study, Side Pairings: DaiSuga; KuroTsuki; MatsuHana; BokuAka, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:51:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8539033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serviceace/pseuds/serviceace
Summary: Just like a carousel, round and round they go. He’s cold then hot, he goes then stops. Iwaizumi loves him, Oikawa loves him not.





	1. probably since forever

**Author's Note:**

> I see a lot of pining from Oikawa’s perspective that it made me want to try writing from Iwaizumi’s and s/o to @dahliadenoire and @kittlekrattle for inspiring me every day with their gorgeous IwaOis. This one's for you guys, thank you for all your hard work.

Oikawa is beautiful, almost frustratingly so.

He’s tall and strong; his athleticism built from years of training and volleyball. He’s at the perfect height that most girls would appreciate because even though they’ll stand on the tips of their toes to kiss him, he can meet them more-than halfway and lean down. While they can barely reach up to his shoulders, Oikawa is the one who easily towers over them. Oikawa has a face that would charm thousands and a smile that would dazzle millions but whereas everyone else gets blindsided and winded, Iwaizumi does not. He knows when a smile is just a smile because unbeknownst to everyone else, Oikawa rarely smiles, genuinely anyway. The smiles he flashes to girls are gaudy and fake but the real Oikawa smiles when he’s on the court. The _real_ Oikawa smiles when a clean spike is made with one of his tosses or when he achieves the perfect angle in his serve. Aside from Ushijima, Iwaizumi has never seen such raw power and control in anyone else’s serves before and it’s one of the things Iwaizumi really admires about his best friend.

Oikawa Tooru was overall a pretty silly guy, but there was a time that he wasn’t smiling and Iwaizumi remembers it well. Despite Oikawa’s natural talent in volleyball, there were walls that he could not climb. There were things he could not do and there were people he could never touch. Oikawa was not a genius and because of that, he practiced relentlessly. He’d over train and work his body so much that it would make Iwaizumi seethe with anger. Their coach would tell him to stop overtraining but he’d still practice after hours. It seemed like was panicking, terrified he’d be replaced by someone else. But like Oikawa always said, talent is something you’re born with whereas instinct is something you polish. He had seen Oikawa fall and pick himself up time and time again but Iwaizumi wasn’t lying when he said that Oikawa will always be the partner he can boast about. Oikawa’s tosses will always be his favorite ones to spike and Oikawa’s back will always be his favorite one to follow.  

And even though they go to different universities and only see each other maybe once every other week, Iwaizumi loves him still.

Oikawa had his heart, had it from the start.

It happened over time, in increments, from the time they were children, to their early teens, to even now in their late teens. Iwaizumi had always loved him, right from the very start. Back then, his love surfaced in the form of always offering his hand to Oikawa when the other tripped or finding him after he ran away after being scolded. Now, it was _“Stop overtraining, dumbass!”_ and _“If you get sick, I’ll hit you!”_ but Iwaizumi loves him all the same. On the outside, it’s hard to love Oikawa. He’s pompous at times, gaudy, and incredibly irritating when it comes to his fans. They show up by the dozens, watching and cheering for him during practice and in their games. They pull him aside and shyly give him their confessions letters, blushing up to their ears. He usually rejects them of course and even though he smiles at them good-naturedly, it’s one of those smiles Iwaizumi hates. Sometimes Oikawa’s voice is flirtatious when he rejects them but he turns them down each and every time. He’s had girlfriends before however, many girlfriends in fact, though they never seem to stay. They love him because of his looks and because he’s cool in volleyball but they don’t know him, not like Iwaizumi does. They always end it first when they see how little he truly cares for them and how they’re never the ones he truly looks at. In the back of his mind, Iwaizumi realizes that someday, Oikawa will get married though. Oikawa will find a cute wife and then someday there will be a cute little kid who looks just like him.

Iwaizumi doesn’t want to admit he’s selfish for wanting to take all that away from him.

Loving Oikawa had always had its ups and downs. He gets confessed to on the daily and you’d think that Iwaizumi would have been used to it by now but he isn’t. He doesn’t think he ever will because Iwaizumi’s heart still tightens uncomfortably when his best friend accepts their offer. He’d see them blushing around Oikawa while the other lazily wraps an arm around their shoulders. He’d see them present his best friend with homemade lunches and hears them cheering for him in the stands. Sometimes, on one of his unluckier days, Iwaizumi would see them kiss and it still makes him feel a little funny every time. He wasn’t jealous, no, just sad. Oikawa liked girls, and Iwaizumi, Iwaizumi liked him.

They were best friends but that didn’t make things any easier. They had grown up together and had always been a part of each other’s lives. From the very moment he had been born, Oikawa had been there. Iwaizumi had never known a world without Oikawa simply because he had always been there. Being together all their lives made them comfortable with one another, almost too comfortable. It wasn’t uncommon to see Oikawa draping himself all over Iwaizumi from behind out of exhaustion or borrowing his lap on the rooftop during lunch as he played with his phone. It wasn’t unusual to see them feeding each other food during lunch or sharing the same futon during training camps. It became a normal thing to spend the weekends at each other’s houses and even though they would lay out futons for each other, Iwaizumi would always wake up tangled in Oikawa’s long limbs or Oikawa’s cold hands under his shirt. Cross between being both annoyed and content, Iwaizumi would often take a moment just to lay there and listen to Oikawa breathe. Taking advantage of his best friend like this, it made me feel so ugly inside.

“I’m a horrible friend,” Iwaizumi concluded one afternoon.

“Who’s a horrible friend?” Sawamura asked, looking up from his notes.

Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his head and furrowed a brow. “I think I am.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I’m in love with Oikawa,” Iwaizumi stated, now idly spinning a volleyball in his hands. “Probably since forever.”

The former captain of Karasuno hummed knowingly at that. “And you think you’re taking advantage of him because of that, being childhood friends and all.” Placing his mechanical pencil down and crossing his arms over his chest, Sawamura tilted his head to the side. “I’m assuming he doesn’t know?” When Iwaizumi shook his head, Sawamura gave him a reassuring smile. “He wouldn’t hate you, you know, if you told him.”

Iwaizumi huffed as he absentmindedly began squeezing the volleyball. “I know that. It’s just easier not saying anything. Can you imagine how even more annoying he’d be if he knew?” Crinkling his face and slipping into a voice an octave higher than normal, he pulled out his best Oikawa impression. “Iwa-chan,” he imitated, drawing out his name in a long whine. “Iwa-chan, carry me! I’m tired! Iwa-chan, I thought you said you _loved_ me! Iwa-chan, buy me milkbread! Iwa-chan, this, Iwa-chan, that.” As he said this, the death grip he had on the volleyball visibly tightened. A part of him honestly had wished it had been Oikawa’s head he was currently crushing. “He’s so annoying and unnecessarily needy. He has the ugliest crying face I have ever seen but every other time, he’s so beautiful that it’s just annoying. He has practically no respect for personal space, to the point that he’s almost like a parasite with how attached he can be. He drapes himself all over me whining about how tired he is after practice or how he wants me to carry him home because his ankle has been acting up even though I always tell him to stop over training.” Despite that, the crease on his forehead relaxed and as he smoothed his hands along the seams of the volleyball, Iwaizumi let out a defeated sigh. “And yet I always give him my back to lean on.”

Sawamura offered him a small smile and it warmed his heart. “You should tell him.”

“Maybe one day,” Iwaizumi laughed, his friend’s kindness giving him courage. “But for now, I’m fine with things as they are.” Sawamura gives him another teasing look before the two go back to their studying. It’s an amicable silence, one that both parties appreciate. The only sounds audible were the soft scratching of Sawamura’s pencil and Iwaizumi’s pages as he turned them. They studied for an hour or so before Sugawara and Yaku came back to the apartment, bringing home lunch. They have a quick bite to eat before Sugawara shoos them out of the quad, telling them he needed complete silence to study and that they really should start getting ready for their practice game against Raijin University.

 

* * *

 

He still isn’t quite used to seeing Oikawa staring back at him from across the net. Sure, they’ve practiced against one another during scrimmages in high school but to see Oikawa surrounded by people he doesn’t recognize and wearing different colors is just weird. _“And yet,”_ Iwaizumi thought, watching as Oikawa lifted a finger to point directly at him. _“The practice games we play against his university make me feel so alive.”_ He smirked eagerly as he bent his knees, readying himself for the power and precision that was Oikawa’s serve. He feels a rush of adrenaline when the glint in Oikawa’s eyes sharpen dangerously and it makes him wonder if he’s some sort of masochist for loving that look in Oikawa’s eyes. “Bring it!”

Tossing the volleyball upwards into the air, Oikawa’s brown eyes followed its movements and watched it intently. His feet moved naturally; his right leg first, followed by his left, right, and then left again. Oikawa’s arms extended outwards like wings and when he pushed off with his right foot, he swung his arm around and slammed the volleyball with the palm of his hand.

Iwaizumi dove, knowing his best friend’s penchant for the straight along the line, and connected with it cleanly, sending the ball right back up towards the front. They glared at each other from across the court, their lips curling slightly as their teams rallied on both sides. _“Not bad, Iwa-chan!”_ He heard Oikawa say, his voice laced with the edge of competition. The absolute _thrill_ of receiving Oikawa’s serves is what truly invigorates him and as excitement surges in his chest, Iwaizumi can’t help but grin. The wing spiker has never felt more alive than when he’s playing against Oikawa. He’s the perfect setter, able to draw out 120% of someone’s abilities. His serves are legendary and the way he handles the ball is unlike anyone else Iwaizumi has ever seen. Oikawa is the best. He’s the best player Iwaizumi has ever seen and he knows he’ll go far, he’ll make it to the Olympic stage one day, he knows it. _“I love you,”_ Iwaizumi said to himself. This is the side of Oikawa he treasures more than anything; the one who makes his blood race when he’s on the court, the one who trusts his teammates completely, and the one he always wants to follow. _“I love you so much.”_

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi wakes up in the middle of the night to a cold, clammy hand pressed uncomfortably up his shirt and although it is definitely annoying, it is not unwelcomed. After the practice game with Shittykawa’s university, they (Oikawa, Kuroo, and Bokuto included) all made the trip back to his apartment to spend the night. They were all pretty tired and well-spent after the practice match so Sawamura suggested they stay with them for the night. They all readily agreed, some more eagerly than others (Bokuto), but Iwaizumi didn’t mind. They kept guest futons in the main room for that very reason and likewise, Oikawa, Kuroo, and Bokuto did the same over at their apartment. They had all gone to bed in their respective areas; Bokuto and Kuroo were set up in the main room while Oikawa had a futon in his. Although they had gone to bed in separate beds, Iwaizumi knew he wouldn’t be sleeping alone. Sure enough, sometime during the night, Oikawa had got up and slipped into bed with him, holding onto him as he made himself comfortable. Oikawa had always been like that. He never much cared for personal space, especially when it came down to Iwaizumi. Despite their height, they settled against one another easily, naturally even. Oikawa tend to curl up when he slept, his hand coming up to hold onto his best friend’s shirt. It was a habit of his that he could never subconsciously shake but as Iwaizumi listened to the soft, even sounds of Oikawa’s breathing, he knew in his heart that he never minded how clingy his best friend was. As he mused, his eyes fluttered closed as the comforting smell of coconut and jasmine danced around him.

When morning came, Iwaizumi woke up again. This time however, he saw that Oikawa was awake as well. The other was holding up his right hand with his so that their palms were touching. He could feel Oikawa’s long and bony fingers against his and when Oikawa started to push back and forth with his fingers, he knew the other was silently studying him. Oikawa’s always been that way; detail-oriented and always calculating. If anyone ever asked Iwaizumi what one of his favorite things about Oikawa was, it wasn’t the cunning intelligence or unyielding tenacity, he’d answer and say it was the boy’s hands. They’re hardened yet gentle and soft but commanding. Most people say that eyes are a window to the soul and that might be true for some people but for Oikawa, it was his hands. When they were kids, Oikawa would put on a brave face but would timidly hold on his sleeve. It was his hands that took Iwaizumi’s face into his when the frustrated ace cried after the lost to Karasuno. These strong, strong, capable hands that Iwaizumi knew so well, how much longer could he and Oikawa stay like this?

“Iwa-chan, did you shrink?” Oikawa asked, his voice still laced with sleep. 

“Don’t make me push you off this bed, Shittykawa,” came the immediate response. The brunet laughed, closing his fingers around Iwaizumi’s as he held onto his hand and it’s enough to fill Iwaizumi’s heart with sorrow. It kills him a little inside because as he looks at their joined hands, the spaces between his fingers are right where Oikawa’s fit perfectly. His fingers go slack against that of his friend’s; uncommitted and detached. He doesn’t let go of Oikawa’s hand but he doesn’t squeeze back either, letting the other dictate how long he wanted to keep hold. He’s Oikawa’s best friend, nothing more and nothing less. He doesn’t want to overstep his boundaries just because Oikawa does. It’s different for him, he’s not the one in love. “Your serve improved,” Iwaizumi said after some time.

“Yet you received it so easily,” Oikawa hummed.

“You probably shouldn’t have aimed it right for me.”

 “Probably,” he laughed. “I was originally going to serve it to Yakkun but the look in your eyes really pissed me off.”

 _“I wish I could say the same about you,”_ Iwaizumi mused. He felt the younger boy shift beside him and offered his arm, allowing Oikawa to lean against him comfortably. The bed shifted slightly as Oikawa snuggled against him and buried his face in the crook of Iwaizumi’s neck. “You’re so heavy,” the wing spiker complained, pushing Oikawa’s face away. “And you’re too close.”

“Iwa-chan doesn’t mind though, does he?” Oikawa asked playfully, almost knowingly, as he reached forward to play with Iwaizumi’s hands again. Thankfully, Oikawa doesn’t notice the slight grimace on Iwaizumi’s face and continues to push their fingers back and forth. He starts with their pointer fingers, then middle, ring, and lastly their pinkies before starting the rotation right over again in reverse. “Your team is annoying.”

“You’re the one with an annoying team,” Iwaizumi replied. “You’ve got a nationally-ranked wing spiker and an irritating middle blocker on your team. Do you even know how annoying it is spiking when Kuroo is in your face all the time?”

“You’ve got Yakkun and Sawamura; they _always_ receive my serves.”

“Why don’t you try aiming it somewhere else then?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Iwaizumi laughed. “How has school been?”

“Oh you know, same old. I’m still undecided if that was what you were wondering though.”

“You’ve still got another year before you have to commit to anything and even then, you can always change if you really wanted to.”

The brunet hummed conversationally as he closed his fingers over Iwaizumi’s again. “And you, Iwa-chan? Still trying to be a physician?”

“Yeah.”

“What practice?”

Iwaizumi shifted somewhat uncomfortably. “Physical therapy.” It was pretty obvious what path he would take in college. Ever since Oikawa had collapsed in in their third year and sprained his ankle, he knew what he wanted to do in life once volleyball was over. His best friend was reckless, always charging it and over training himself. He can’t even begin to count the amount of times he still had to physically drag Oikawa away from the gym just so he could rest before an important game. Knowing Oikawa as well as he did, he knew how often he’d push himself without a regard for his own safety. And so, Iwaizumi took it upon himself to study the sciences so that he could later help those like Oikawa. Knowing his best friend though, he knew the boy would go far and even if he himself wasn’t good enough to play on a national stage like Japan, he could still support Oikawa this way. 

Oikawa fell silent at that before laughing. “Trying to take care of me again, Iwa-chan? You won’t have to do that anymore though.” He gave Iwaizumi one last squeeze before pulling his hand away so he could sit up. He looked down at his best friend with a cheeky smile as he reached up to rub the back of his head. “I have a girlfriend now.”

He inwardly flinched at that, backing away slightly as he too pushed himself upwards into a sitting position. He leaned back against the wall behind him, putting a tiny bit of distance between the two of them, hoping Oikawa wouldn’t notice the slight change in demeanor. He studied his friend silently and saw the fondness in his eyes that he had only ever seen for himself, volleyball, and a few friends. Oikawa looked happy, genuinely happy in fact. “That’s good,” Iwaizumi managed. “What’s she like?”

The brunet smiled – an honest to God smile – and fished out his phone for Iwaizumi to see. “This is her.” She was gorgeous; black hair and honest eyes. She was of average height and had a kind face, something even Iwaizumi could appreciate. “Her name’s Hiyori.”

 _“First name, already?”_ Iwaizumi questioned to himself, furrowing a brow slightly. “Pretty.”

“She is, isn’t she? She’s the libero for the girl’s team.”

As Oikawa went on and on about her, Iwaizumi felt a familiar twinge of sadness before it disappeared just as fast as it came. _“But then again,”_ he mused to himself. _“When you get your heart broken for the hundredth time by your first love, you get used to it.”_ Cupping his face into his hand and resting an elbow upon a bent knee, Iwaizumi let a tiny smile grace his lips. His best friend looked happy, happier than he had been in a long time, and he was happy for him. Iwaizumi doesn’t remember the last time he had seen genuine happiness on Oikawa’s face before (when it came to a relationship anyway). “Oikawa, I’m –”

“Don’t worry, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa suddenly said, surging forward to clap on his shoulder. “You’ll still be my favorite for sure!”

Iwaizumi scoffed. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“I love you though, Iwa-chan! You and volleyball, you two are all I need!”

“We’ll see, Oikawa.” Looking away briefly before meeting his friend’s eyes once again, Iwaizumi offered him a tight smile. “Let’s go see if everyone else is awake.” Thankfully and luckily, Oikawa didn’t object, bouncing behind him as they left the comforts of his room. The two best friends went out to the living room to see Bokuto still passed out on the floor, Sawamura sitting at the coffee table, and the sounds of someone in the shower. They all bid each other good morning and made some small talk before Iwaizumi cleared his throat. “I’m going out for a walk, I’ll be back in a little bit.” Almost the second the words left his lips, he heard Oikawa yell out _“Go get some coffee us, Iwa-chan!”_ right before he closed the front door behind him. It was a quick walk, one that he did rather blindly but, here he was, sitting down at Starbucks waiting for everyone’s orders to be made. Letting out a frustrated sigh, Iwaizumi folded his arms over his head, pointedly ignoring his green tea. “Oikawa has a girlfriend,” he muttered. He could say he couldn’t believe it but he’d be lying if he did. Oikawa was a good-looking guy and he was cool, of course he’d get one. This wasn’t anything new.

“Is it really that hard to believe?” Kuroo asked smoothly as he offered Iwaizumi a lazy smirk and sat down in front of him.

Peeking out from his little safe zone, Iwaizumi glared at his friend briefly before sitting up. “What do you want, Kuroo?”

“I figured you could use some help bringing everything back.” Leaning back and resting an elbow on the head of the chair he was sitting in, Kuroo made himself comfortable. “Yeah, she came up to him after one of our practice matches which is weird because who stays to watch a practice match?” He thoughtfully looked up as he recalled the events of that day. “She seemed nice, forward even. She’s a libero on the girl’s team and she’s decent. Her receives are good but she could work on her tosses.” He paused to scratch at his cheek. “But I guess Oikawa could help with that.”

Iwaizumi laughed a little bitterly at that. “Yeah, he could.” He took a tiny sip of his tea and sighed before looking up at Kuroo seriously. “Do you think she’ll treat him right? He’s a bit of a hassle and like, he’s nice to look at but he’s got a really shitty personality. He always stays up at night and don’t even get me started when there’s a big game coming up because the dumbass won’t sleep at all. I feel bad for her now that I think about it; he’s going to worry her to death. That asshole can be so selfish sometimes like does he even realize how much people worry about him? How much I worry –.”

Kuroo’s face was passive as he listened and midway through Iwaizumi’s rambling, a soft chuckle rumbled from his throat. “Aa, you love him, don’t you?”

“Yeah. It sucks, doesn’t it?”

“Not really. You and Oikawa are in the same city at least,” the former captain of Nekoma hummed wistfully. “I left something back in Miyagi, myself.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Let’s just say I know what it feels like to pine for someone too.”

“How do you deal with it?”

“Probably the same as you,” Kuroo comforted. “But I live for the moments, you know? Even if I can’t have him myself, just being his friend is good enough for me. Who knows, maybe one day he’ll feel the same.”

Upon hearing the barista’s call for them, the two volleyball players got up to pick up their orders. Iwaizumi fell into step easily beside Kuroo, his friend’s words dancing around in his mind. Kuroo’s words were wise as they were reassuring but he probably had a better chance with whoever he was pining for. Oikawa deserved the world, anyone with eyes could see that. The boy pushed himself all the time; he was so self-destructive sometimes that it broke Iwaizumi’s heart. This boy who loved milkbread more than anything and used to cry when his parents wouldn’t give him anymore… This boy who dreamed of dancing with the stars in the sky and catching a firework spark when it fell from the heavens… “I just want him to be happy,” he said softly. “He deserves the world.”

“He _is_ happy.”

Iwaizumi grumbled something noncoherent to himself as he inserted a straw into Oikawa’s obnoxious order of a Venti Skinny Caramel Macchiato, Extra Shot, Extra Hot, with Extra Whip. In all the years that he’s known his best friend, probably the most annoying materialistic thing about him was his go-to Starbucks order. What was the point of ordering a skinny drink if he was just going to get extra whipped cream with it? Sometimes he wonders if Oikawa orders these just to piss him off. Pointedly ignoring the knowing smirk on Kuroo’s face, Iwaizumi clicked his tongue. “I know what you’re going to say and I’m going to ask you not to say it –”

“He’s got you after all, Iwaizumi.”

“It’s like you’re trying to pick a fight with me.”

“Always am,” Kuroo laughed.


	2. downtime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can't help but feel like he's been replaced somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asahi's working so he couldn't make it today and special s/o to [@mamurasm](https://twitter.com/mamurasm) and [@iwaizumi69](https://twitter.com/iwaizumi69) for motivating me to post the chapter today.

A month goes by and Iwaizumi gets on with his life. He practices as usual, does his homework like usual, and hangs out with Oikawa every now and then. He tries not to think too much about the biggest change like Oikawa’s new girlfriend but it’s a little weird how easily Ishikawa fits into Oikawa’s life. She’s patient, respects his space, and doesn’t crowd him. She doesn’t seem to mind when he disappears for nights at time to practice his serves and tries to go to at least one of his games every other week. She makes him homemade lunches with cute sausage octopuses and carefully crafted riceballs that look like aliens. Ishikawa seems a little _too_ perfect but she makes him happy and honestly, that’s all Iwaizumi cares about. It’s not any of his business so he takes things a day at a time like always.

It's a lazy Saturday morning as practice got cancelled due to some miscommunications between the various teams using the gyms. Iwaizumi isn’t complaining though because he’s had a hell of a week and would gladly like to catch up on a good six or seven of sleep (or realistically, at least sleep in until nine in the morning). Pulling the comforter to effectively shield him from the sunlight pouring through his window, he rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. He’s only able to get a few minutes to himself before a loud knock thuds on his door and he mentally groans. _“Maybe if I don’t say anything, they’ll think I’m still asleep.”_

The door opened and a silver head poked in. “Give it up, Iwaizumi. You don’t know how to sleep in anymore.”

Iwaizumi groaned again, audibly this time, and sat up. “What’s up?”

“Daichi and I are going back to Miyagi for the weekend to go visit Karasuno,” Sugawara grinned. “Yaku is coming too.”

He wanted to relax, honestly he did, so he’s not sure why he opened his mouth. “Do you need a wing spiker?”

“We’re leaving in twenty.” Sugawara winked at him one last time before turning around and shutting the door behind him.

Iwaizumi sighed as he fell back into bed, blindly groping around the nightstand for his cell phone. He swiped his thumb to the right and unlocked his phone, tapping on his contacts. Once he found the person he wanted to, he brought the phone up to his ear. The person on the other line picked up after the second ring and Iwaizumi smirked at the familiar voice. “You and Matsukawa doing anything today?”

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi is the first one out of the car and he makes a move towards the trunk to help carry everyone’s bags when Sawamura waves him away to go greet the pair by the gymnasium doors. Mumbling a quick thank you, he shouldered his bag and made his way over to the gym, a smirk on his face. It’s only been few months since he’s seen them but even he can admit he missed his friends. “Hey guys, thanks for coming on such short notice.”

Hanamaki shrugged and lazily waved a hand, giving his friend a smirk of his own. “We were in town.”

“We live here,” Matsukawa deadpanned with an even look.

“Still,” Iwaizumi cut in as he raised a fist. “Thanks.” The three friends bumped fists like old times and exchanged a few words, catching up with one another as Sawamura, Yaku, and Sugawara made their way over. Although they had played against one another as Karasuno and Seijou, this was the first time they had all officially met. “These are my best friends,” Iwaizumi introduced. “Hanamaki and Matsukawa.”

“We heard you guys needed another spiker and a middle blocker,” Matsukawa grinned lazily. “Here we are.”

“Ta-da,” Hanamaki added.

Rolling his eyes at them, Iwaizumi chuckled softly. With Oikawa getting a girlfriend and spending far less time with him, he’s glad to see that at least Hanamaki and Matsukawa haven’t changed. The others introduce themselves and upon finishing, they all stood shoulder-to-shoulder in pairs with Sawamura and Sugawara at the front. The Karasuno alumni opened the gymnasium doors and together, they all bowed their heads, all shouting various cries of “ _Thank you for having us!”_  The responses he then hears make him laugh a little to himself.

Various outbursts of _“Daichi-san!”_ and _“Sawamura-san!”_ muddled together with _“Sugawara-san!”_ and _“Suga-san!”_ answered back.

Their libero initially greets his upperclassmen but when he sees Yaku, he perks up almost immediately and literally jumps up and down in excitement. “Morisuke!”

Kageyama however is the first to notice him. “Iwaizumi-san!”

The shrimpy middle blocker also takes note of him but his exclamation is a bit more awe-sounding. “It’s Seijou’s ace!” He then sees Hanamaki and Matsukawa and visibly pales, hiding behind the bald one. “Beady Eyes and Lazy Eyes too!”

Iwaizumi covered his mouth and pretended to cough as he chuckled at Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s slightly annoyed look. He’s seen that look many times before like when Oikawa won’t stop whining about something or when Kyoutani challenges them all with some smartass comment. Still, it’s a little refreshing. He watched as the members of Karasuno’s volleyball team surrounded them, most of them talking all at once. He doesn’t say much himself, only speaking to Hanamaki and Matsukawa and Kageyama when the boy comes up to him to personally greet him. This isn’t his team but he’s eager to see how much Karasuno has grown, how much has changed, and any surprises he knew they had. They go to greet Coach Ukai and their advisor, Takeda-sensei he remembers, before retreating to the locker rooms to change and get ready. It doesn’t take them long, only fifteen minutes or so and they all meet back up in the gym to stretch. Iwaizumi, Sawamura, Sugawara, Matsukawa, Yaku, and Hanamaki do a quick lap around the perimeter of the school to warm up and by the time they get back, Karasuno is doing a quick round of spiking practice.

“Gather round!” Ukai shouted, effectively halting the boys. He placed a hand on his hip and chucked a thumb at the college students. “This is our first practice match of the season before we scrimmage Dateko next week. Be thankful the guys here took time out of their busy schedules to come help.” Crossing his arms, Ukai smirked as he then nudged his head over at the graduates of Seijou. “We may have won against them last year but Seijou has always surprised us. Compared to them, we’re still adolescent crows.” His eyes then sharpened competitively. “Now, let’s go raise some hell!”

Knowing full well that their coach was just trying to rile them up, Iwaizumi quietly listened. Clasping his hands behind his back, he inclined his head once more, his eyes steady. Dividing up into separate teams with Iwaizumi’s team sporting the red practice jerseys, the wing spiker took a moment to access his teammates. He was currently in position to serve first with Yaku and Sawamura in the back while Hanamaki, Matsukawa, and Sugawara were up in front. Their set-up was designed to have the strongest rotation to receive Kageyama’s serve and any others that might have been practicing their serves. He also made a mental note of their freckled pinch server who proved to be quite troublesome last year and felt a rush of adrenaline.

“Iwaizumi, nice serve!” Sugawara cheered, crouching at the ready.

At Takeda-sensei’s whistle, Iwaizumi exhaled slowly. He focused, his mind calm and quiet. Tossing the ball straight up in the air, his grey eyes followed it closely as his feet naturally began to move. Unlike Oikawa who gradually would speed up when serving, Iwaizumi practically sprinted. His initial speed was what he was known for and as he pushed off with his foot, he ascended upwards, desperate for wings. _“The ball goes up and then it falls,”_ he said mentally, quoting Oikawa. He swings his arm and slams the ball with his palm, watching as it darts towards the edge of the court, right along the straight. It’s close and as he watches Ennoshita, Karasuno’s current captain, react to it, he smirked knowingly. The younger boy hesitated but that split second was all Iwaizumi needed because their manager blew her whistle, signaling the point for his team.

Hanamaki whistled appreciatively. “Nice!”

“One more, Iwaizumi! Hit a nice serve!”

He serves but this time, he sacrificed some speed and power for accuracy and Nishinoya, Karasuno’s libero, received it cleanly, sending it right back over the net. “Chance ball!” Iwaizumi called, rallying his team. The tri-colored volleyball made its way back over to Sawamura and he received it easily, sending it over to Sugawara.

Sugawara jumped, tossing it over to the left. “Hanamaki!”

“Got it!” Hanamaki grinned, jumping straight up and readying his arm. His spiking motion was slow but confident, his movements suggesting a feint. Karasuno’s blockers jumped in response, causing the wing spiker to furrow his brows, determined to make it seem like he was going for the feint.

“Front, front, front!” Ennoshita shouted.

Shrimpy dashed forward, immediately crouching to return the ball. “Leave it to me!”

Hanamaki reared backwards but instead of going for the feint like he had originally started to do, he slammed the ball down, spiking it towards the back. Karasuno wasn’t ready and although the bald one tried to at least get a touch on it, it was too late. The whistled sounded once more and as the crows glared at the upperclassmen, it was Sawamura who ultimately smirked. “You’ve all still got a lot to learn.”

 

* * *

 

After promising his parents that he’d come home and visit the next day, Iwaizumi ended up catching a ride with Hanamaki and Matsukawa back to their apartment. They stopped by a convenience store on the way back, buying cheap alcohol and ready-made dinner boxes. Once they all showered and ate, Matsukawa set up a guest futon in the main room for Iwaizumi but in the end, they all just laid together on the floor. Hanamaki was laying down with his head in Matsukawa’s lap while Iwaizumi was leaning back against Matsukawa’s other side. The tallest of the three was carding his fingers through Hanamaki’s hair, pausing every now and then to brush the back of his fingers against Hanamaki’s face. “So,” Hanamaki started, looking towards Iwaizumi. “Oikawa has a new girlfriend, huh?”

“Mhm,” Iwaizumi hummed. “Real pretty too.”

“Prettier than him?” Matsukawa asked, his tone a little sly.

Spinning the T.V remote with his right hand and pointer finger, the dark haired wing spiker laughed. “Nah, never.” Oikawa was all kinds of pretty, no one would ever come close to him in Iwaizumi’s eyes. His eyes and face were what drew people in but for Iwaizumi, his first love would always be Oikawa’s hands. While they were timid at first, they were now powerful and commanding, just like him. “They look good together,” he said. “She makes him happy, that’s good enough for me.”

Hanamaki frowned and reached up, digging a finger into Iwaizumi’s forehead as he pushed his head back. “ _You_ make him happy too, Iwaizumi. How much longer are you going to do this yourself?” When the other slapped his hand away and didn’t reply, Hanamaki huffed. “Just confess already.”

“Oikawa has a girlfriend,” Iwaizumi argued.

“Yeah, but this isn’t fair for you either. You’ve been in love with him for years and every time he gets a girlfriend… Look, what I’m saying is that you should tell him. He might feel the same way or he might not, but you need to tell him. I just feel like you’re missing out on everything. Don’t you want to be happy?” Hanamaki’s words might have been brash but Iwaizumi knew not to hold it against him. His friend cared about him, sure his methods were a little out there but he had good intentions.

Matsukawa tilted his head and looked at him pointedly. “When was the last time you even got laid?”

Iwaizumi’s ears burned but he rolled his eyes. “Fuck off.” Granted, he hadn’t been intimate with anyone in a while but that wasn’t any of their business. He’s had flings before, but never anything concrete. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in relationships, it was more that he just couldn’t ever fully commit to them and that wouldn’t be fair. He could kiss someone and he’d still wish it was Oikawa he was kissing. He could hold someone and a part of him would crave Oikawa’s touch. It just wouldn’t be fair to be with someone like him whose heart wasn’t in it.

Hanamaki grinned. “I’ll suck your dick if you want.”

“No, suck mine,” Matsukawa cut in. “Please,” he added as a forethought.

Despite how mildly annoyed he was, Iwaizumi couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. “Morons.” Still, the idea of dating again didn’t seem so bad or at least getting himself back out there. There wasn’t anything wrong with getting coffee or something with someone, right? The worst thing that could happen would be another friend or acquaintance he could hang out with. “It’s not like I’m not used to all this though,” he said somewhat good-naturedly. “Oikawa always gets girlfriends.”

“Yeah, but they don’t stick around for long. What even was his longest relationship? A couple of weeks at the most?”

“Something like that,” Iwaizumi shrugged. “This one seems like she might though. From what he’s told me, they seem to get along well.” Somewhere in the back of his mind, he interjected and mentally said that he and Oikawa get along pretty well too but they didn’t need to know that. “She plays volleyball too, apparently she’s the libero for the girl’s team.”

“Have you met her yet?” Matsukawa asked.

The dark haired wing spiker shifted a little uncomfortably at that as he looked away and fiddled with the remote. “No, not yet.” A part of him isn’t even sure he wants to meet her. It would make things seem too real, too permanent, and despite how much he valued Oikawa’s happiness over his own, he didn’t know if he could let go. “I feel like if I meet her or see them together, it’ll prove that maybe he and I aren’t meant to be after all.” Now _that_ would probably be the hardest thing for him to face. Iwaizumi fell silent at the thought, his heart clenching slightly. Sometimes he wondered if his feelings would ever truly reach Oikawa.

Matsukawa studied his friend briefly before bumping Iwaizumi’s shoulder with his in an attempt to cheer his friend up. “You sure you don’t want to suck my dick?”

Iwaizumi laughed as he shoved Matsukawa back. “No thanks, asshole.” With the mood resettled and Iwaizumi feeling somewhat better, they changed the subject and just hung out. They played video games for a while but after a few drinks and laying around on the floor some more, Iwaizumi, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa decided to call it a night. The pair retreated to their room while Iwaizumi took the guest futon in the main room. Once he got under the covers, he laid comfortably on his stomach and reached for his phone that was charging beside him. Unlocking it with his thumb, he swiped to the right and frowned once he saw that he had an unread message from Oikawa. “What does that dumbass want now?”

> From: Oikawa  
>  Subject: Iwa-chan!  
>  \- - Iwa-chan! Are you busy next week? Probably not, right?! I doubt you have a date or anything so let’s hang out! I want you to meet Hiyori (*≧▽≦)

And just like that, that awful heartache from before hits him right in the chest.

 

* * *

 

“Iwa-chan!”

Looking around for Oikawa, Iwaizumi stepped off the train and walked over to his friend. He was dressed casually in his usual set of black joggers and a white V-neck. Due to it being a bit chilly however, he had on his black and white windbreaker. It wasn’t hard to find Oikawa; his height made him stand out. The wing spiker had seen his friend in casual clothing before but seeing Oikawa sometimes still made his breath hitch in his throat.  He was dressed in dark pants and had on a black peacoat that hugged and showed off his frame. Around his neck was a black scarf that he had wrapped twice around his neck but it was glasses that made Iwaizumi blush a little. Oikawa looked so good, it hurt sometimes. “Have you been waiting long?” Iwaizumi asked.

Oikawa smiled. “Not at all.”

Iwaizumi nodded at that and jammed his hands into his pockets as he fell into step with Oikawa. “So where’s your girlfriend?” He asked, looking away. Her name still felt foreign to his lips but didn’t want to say it for fear of it sticking. He told himself it was just a name but the fact that it was _her_ name was more than enough reason for him. He knows he’s being petty, but he just couldn’t bring himself to say it. “I thought you said you wanted me to meet her.”

Looping his arm arounds Iwaizumi’s, Oikawa flashed him another brilliant smile. “I do! It’s a surprise now hurry up, Iwa-chan!” The setter pulled him along and while Iwaizumi tried to shove him away, he felt like shit for missing Oikawa’s touch. “You’ll like her, Iwa-chan. She’s the best!”

_“You used to say I was the best,”_ Iwaizumi said mentally. “That’s cool.” As they walked together side-by-side, Oikawa started rambling, going on and on about her. The wing spiker didn’t say much, only replying with a grunt or nod when necessary and ultimately kept quiet. _“I don’t want to meet her,”_ he thought. _“I don’t want to see her touching him.”_ He doesn’t want any of it, he doesn’t want to _see_ any of it. _“I don’t want to see him touching her.”_ He felt a tug on his arm and suddenly found himself standing in front of the gymnasium over at Oikawa’s school. Alarmed, he looked at his childhood friend who stuck out a tongue at him playfully.

“Surprise! We’re going to watch Hiyori play! She has a practice game today.”

Unable to argue, Iwaizumi allowed Oikawa to pull him along and once they were seated up in the stands, Iwaizumi crossed his arms. His brows furrowed as he watched her, studying her silently. The school’s colors suited her; the white jerseys with blue trim brought out the shine in her dark hair. She had it up in a ponytail and it looked soft, swaying from side to side whenever she would receive the ball. She’s a good player, supportive and reliable. Her tosses could use some work but she was capable and even he couldn’t deny the potential she had. She smiled a lot like whenever her team scored or when someone got a touch on the ball but whatever happened, she seemed to light up the team. Leaning back, he then shifted his attention over to Oikawa and the moment he looked up into the boy’s brown eyes, he felt something inside him break once more. _“He loves her,”_ he realizes. There’s genuine fondness in Oikawa’s eyes that Iwaizumi had only ever seen for himself and it made him feel very small inside. _“He’s falling in love with her.”_ A smile then graced Oikawa’s lips when she tossed for their wing spiker and that was all Iwaizumi needed. His legs moved of their own accord and he found himself standing up.

“Iwa-chan? Is something wrong?” Oikawa asked as he frowned and reached out to hold onto Iwaizumi’s sleeve.

“Nah,” Iwaizumi replied numbly. “Bathroom.”

Oikawa then started to rise, “Do you want me to show you the way? This gym is pretty big; it can get confusing –”

“I don’t need to be babied, Shittykawa.” He flashed his friend a fake grin and turned around, not bothering to look back. He walked away quickly, taking long strides. A part of him just wanted to go home but the better part of him knew he should stay. Despite how heartbroken he felt, Oikawa was still his best friend. He couldn’t just leave, not when he specifically came to this part of Tokyo for him.

Still, he can’t help but feel like he’s been replaced somehow.  

 


	3. not anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Hanamaki was right, maybe it was time to let Oikawa go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like two months behind, I'm so sorry. Other things came up but I literally pulled 3k+ words out of my ass because of this new keyboard I got (The Razer RGB Blackwidow Chroma if anyone wants to know) aka it motivated me to type so here I am and enjoy the chapter lmao

Iwaizumi made his way downstairs blindly, navigating through the various students and faculty.  He felt numb and was being uncharacteristically quiet as he ducked down and walked away from the volleyball court. _“I shouldn’t be here,”_ he thought. “ _I don’t belong here.”_ Despite how much he really wanted to, he knew he couldn’t just leave. He debated wandering around in an attempt to get lost but ultimately decided not to; he didn’t want Oikawa worry. He kept on walking aimlessly and after shaking his head, he found himself in a corridor alone. _“Why am I getting so worked up over this?”_ He practically yelled at himself as he leaned his head against the wall.  Oikawa’s had dozens of girlfriends before, why was this one any different?

_“It’s because he loves her.”_

_I love him_

 “ _He doesn’t love you though, not like you love him.”_

_I want him to be happy_

_“He is happy.”_

_He needs me_

_“Aren’t you the one who needs him?”_

Clenching his fist briefly, Iwaizumi gritted his teeth before rearing back and slamming it into the wall in front of him. What was he even doing? Berating himself for something he couldn’t control? _“But you could have,”_ he argued. _“You’ve had years to tell him how you feel.”_  It wasn’t like Oikawa felt the same way. How could he? They were best friends, as simple as that. They weren’t soul mates or lovers, just childhood friends. It had been so easy for him to fall in love with Oikawa but it was foolish of him to hope that things could change between them. Inclining his head slightly so he was leaning against the wall, Iwaizumi pressed his forehead against the cold wall. “ _I wish I could have told him,”_ he thought. He was just about to strike the wall once again when a voice spoke and invaded his thoughts.

“You know,” Kuroo suddenly said. “That works better on something that actually has feelings.”

The wing spiker turned his head in the direction of the voice and saw Kuroo sporting a somewhat amused expression. He was dressed in joggers similar to his and had on an old Nekoma t-shirt. His hair was a little wet so he must have just finished working out or something because his ridiculous bedhead was droopier than usual. Iwaizumi gave his friend an annoyed glare and clicked his tongue as he reached up to adjust the collar of his jacket. “What?” Although it came out as a question, his tone suggested something a bit more hostile.

Kuroo offered him a nod. “Nice to see you too.” Looking Iwaizumi up and down from head to toe, he raised a brow. “Why are you here?”

“I came to meet Oikawa’s girlfriend.”

“Yeah? And how did that go?”

“I haven’t yet,” Iwaizumi replied. “I was on my way to the bathroom and got lost.”

The middle blocker simply raised a brow and smirked, not believing a word he said. “I’ll humor you.” The shorter boy made a move to walk away as he rolled his eyes. Kuroo followed and caught up to him easily, taking long strides. “You could tell me what you’re really thinking, you know.” For good nature, he nudged Iwaizumi’s shoulder with his. “I won’t laugh, I promise.”

“You know,” Iwaizumi mirrored. “I don’t think it has anything to do with you.”

“Seeing as how I’m the only friend you have in Tokyo right now that knows what you’re going through and actually lives with the guy, I’d say that’s enough to make it my business.”

Iwaizumi frowned. As much as he hated to admit it, Kuroo had a point. With Hanamaki and Matsukawa back in Miyagi, Kuroo really _was_ the only one he could talk to about this. Sure, Sawamura knew of his feelings (which meant Sugawara probably knew too), but he could only do so much. Karasuno’s former captain knew nothing of Oikawa’s mannerisms or habits or how he presented himself outside of the court. Kuroo practically had a front-row seat. Not wanting to elaborate any further however, Iwaizumi simply sighed. “Look, I appreciate it, but don’t worry about me.” The wing spiker offered his friend a crooked smile. “It’s not like I haven’t been through this before with Oikawa’s other girlfriends.”

“Yeah,” Kuroo said, pausing in his footsteps to look at Iwaizumi. “But you’ve never seen him in love before, have you?” 

The other boy’s words made Iwaizumi stop in his tracks too, his heart suddenly thundering loudly in his chest. His eyes grew wide as he felt his resolve break slightly. “That’s not… I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Was this reality? How could Kuroo have known too? Was it so obvious that even outsiders like Kuroo could see it too? What did other people think? _What did Oikawa think?_

“You see it too, don’t you?” Kuroo asked. “Oikawa’s in love with her.”

He shook his head, almost as if he was trying to block out what Kuroo was saying. If he said earlier that he wanted to leave, he really meant it now. He looked up and locked eyes with the middle blocker before backing away slowly. He needed to leave. He needed to leave _now_ but his feet stuck to the floor like glue. He felt numb, cold even. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Iwaizumi whispered once more.

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa’s voice called, booming throughout the lobby area. He was walking towards them with a duffel bag thrown over his shoulder, one that he hadn’t been carrying when he first arrived. “Iwa-chan, where the hell were you?” Oikawa asked once he made it to them. “You were gone for so long!”

Iwaizumi panicked. “I-I just…”

“He got lost,” Nekoma’s former captain supplied, cutting in smoothly. “I was just getting out of the gym when I saw him wandering around.”

Oikawa tilted his head to the side and raised a brow as he placed the free hand on his hip. “That’s why I told you I’d show you where the bathroom was! Silly, Iwa-chan.” Reaching a hand out to compare heights with Iwaizumi, he let out a laugh. “You’re still getting lost even when you’re this tall?”

Smacking away his friend’s hand, Iwaizumi clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Oi.”

The brunet offered him a teasing, little smile – one reserved only for him – before whirling around to look behind him. “Over here, Hiyo-chan!” It was almost as if Oikawa known she was making her way over to him. The mere thought of that however was enough to make Iwaizumi feel very small inside and he did not like it one bit.  She seemed to glide over effortlessly, navigating through the throngs of people easily. She looked tired, exhausted from the game no doubt, but radiant nonetheless. Her hair was still up and she was still dressed in her uniform. “You’re going to catch a cold, Hiyo-chan,” Oikawa warned as he offered her the track jacket that was in her bag.

“I’ll be fine, Oikawa-kun,” she laughed. “I already wiped off the sweat from the game.” Despite that however, she graciously accepted her jacket from him and put it on, zipping it into place. She then turned her attention over to Kuroo and Iwaizumi and bowed, “Hello Oikawa-kun’s friends!”

Kuroo and Iwaizumi said their hellos but Iwaizumi’s came out a bit robotically. “I’m Iwaizumi,” the wing spiker introduced tightly. “I’m –”

“You’re Oikawa-kun’s best friend, right? I’m glad to finally meet you!”

At a loss for words, Iwaizumi stumbled slightly, not quite sure how to reciprocate her enthusiasm. “Y-Yeah, me too.” He could lie and fake it, but he never been an excitable person in the presence of strangers. Oikawa would see through him easily and he didn’t think he could handle a confrontation right now. He gave her a curt nod before being interrupted by said best friend.

“Hiyo-chan must be so hungry! Let’s get some food, shall we? My treat.”

Ishikawa laughed as she playfully slapped his chest. “No way! You paid last time!”

She made another move to hit him but Oikawa caught her hand in his and squeezed it briefly before bringing it down to his side. They intertwined their fingers together easily and it made Iwaizumi feel absolutely sick. “Come on, Hiyo-chan! You just won a game, that deserves a celebration.” Flashing her another brilliant smile, the star setter turned to look over at Iwaizumi who was looking away, causing Oikawa to frown cutely. “You’re coming too, Iwa-chan! We need to talk! Makki e-mailed me a picture of you guys all hanging out last week! Unfair, Iwa-chan!” With a huff, he made a move to loop his arm around Iwaizumi’s when he was ultimately stopped.

“Actually,” Kuroo cut in, having been watching the exchange quietly from beside Iwaizumi. He threw an arm around the wing spiker’s shoulders casually. “Iwaizumi owes me coffee so I’ll be taking him now.” Not giving Oikawa or Iwaizumi the chance to interject, Kuroo raised his hand in a two-finger salute before dragging away the quiet teen. He ignored Oikawa’s somewhat agitated calls of _“Iwa-chan!”_ and kept on walking. At Oikawa’s voice however, he saw Iwaizumi turn to look over his shoulder. “Don’t look back,” he said almost immediately.

“I can’t just leave without saying goodbye,” Iwaizumi argued, his brow furrowing.

“Yes, you can.”

Iwaizumi clicked his tongue in annoyance, seemingly a new habit of his, and shrugged Kuroo off. “Oikawa’s my friend, okay? I can’t just leave him like that.”

“Yeah, but he’ll get over it.” Glancing at Iwaizumi from the corner of his eyes, Kuroo’s voice turned provocative. “It’s not like you wanted to be there anyway, I was saving you the heartache.” When Iwaizumi glared at him again, Kuroo placed a hand on the shorter boy’s shoulder and gripped it, leaning his face closer. “I know, I’m very kind.”

He wasn’t sure if it was because Kuroo was being overly serious about being nice but Iwaizumi’s lips twitched slightly, the corner of it curving upwards in a tiny smile. There was something about Kuroo that made it impossible for him to stay mad and he was right, Iwaizumi really didn’t want there to be anymore.

“You’re allowed to be selfish sometimes, Iwaizumi,” Kuroo murmured.

The ace sucked in a breath and faced forward, ignoring the distant calls from his best friend until it was quiet. “ _I’ve been selfish ever since I was born,”_ he thought weakly.

 

* * *

 

The two friends walked to the nearest café and sat down together after ordering. They made small talk; their conversations covered practically everything from school to volleyball and even the weather. The former captain even pulled out some homework to do while they talked, both boys seemingly at ease with one another. In front of Iwaizumi was his usual cup of chai and as he sipped it periodically, he was finally starting to feel better. “Thanks, Kuroo,” he said after some time. “I don’t think I could have gone through a meal with them.”

Kuroo shrugged good-naturedly. “Don’t worry about it, I was just giving you an easy out.”

“Still,” Iwaizumi said seriously. “Thank you.”

Rather than brush off Iwaizumi’s admission, the middle blocker simply nodded. “I get it, the whole pining thing sucks.” Looking down at his work, Kuroo jotted down some notes in the margins. “It doesn’t help when you have to actually have to come face-to-face with it too.”

“I actually didn’t even want to come,” Iwaizumi confessed. Tightening his grip on his cardboard cup, the teen bowed his head shamefully. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come down to this point, at least not so early in their relationship. Oikawa usually doesn’t date for very long. Almost all the girls he’s ever gone out with didn’t stick around so I was hoping she’d do the same but,” his voice then got very quiet. “She’s different.”

Kuroo glanced up at him briefly as his face turned solemn. “I’m not going to lie to you, Iwaizumi. They hang out a lot nowadays.”

“How often?” Iwaizumi found himself asking.

“Maybe two or three times a week? She comes over sometimes but he’s the one who usually goes to her. Bokuto and I even see them on our morning runs which is weird because he usually prefers to run –”

“Alone, I know,” Iwaizumi finished for him. Oikawa had always been like that, ever since they were in middle school. Briefly thinking back on it now, it probably started back when the boy had been overtraining himself. Not wanting to remember those days however, the wing spiker changed the subject. “So, the one you’re pining for. How’s that going?”

“Good, I guess? I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Someone from Nekoma?”

“Nope, Karasuno,” the taller of the two paused, absentmindedly twirling his pen. “You saw their game against Shiratorizawa, right? Do you remember that first-year middle blocker, Tsukishima?”

Racking his brain to the events of last year, Iwaizumi thought back to that game. Tsukishima, now that name sounded familiar. “He was the one who shut down Shiratorizawa in the last couple of sets, right?” At Kuroo’s nod, Iwaizumi hummed in reply. “He didn’t really stand out to me during the inter-high but he must have improved a lot after that. I mean, standing up to Ushiwaka _and_ the entire team? That’s impressive.”

Kuroo smiled fondly as he cupped his face in his hand. “Yeah, I’m really proud of the kid.”

“What’s he like?” Iwaizumi found himself asking.

“Tall, snarky, kind of an asshole.”

“So, exactly your type?” The wing spiker joked, grinning a little.

Kuroo let out a chuckle. “Yep.”

“Does he know?”

“Nah, but he’s a smart guy so I’m sure he’ll figure it out soon...”  

Iwaizumi listened intently as Kuroo talked, letting his friend take control of the conversation. It was a little refreshing, not having to be the one in the spotlight for once. Granted, he was grateful to Kuroo for even talking to him about his problems but after today, the last person he wanted to think about was Oikawa. At this point, he’d do anything to get that image of Ishikawa and Oikawa out of his head.

 

* * *

 

Another couple of months go by and Iwaizumi tries his best to support Oikawa and his new girlfriend but it’s been hard, very hard in fact. He makes the trip to see her games when his friend wants the company, watches her from the stands, and offers helpful criticism when Oikawa asks. The three of them go out for food afterwards but he doesn’t stay for long because it’s hard seeing the one you love so clearly in love with someone else. It wasn’t that Oikawa and Ishikawa were overly public about their relationship either, if anything, they were very reserved in the public eye, it was more that this was actually becoming a routine now – they really were falling in love and he had to watch it all happen.

When Iwaizumi would excuse himself and leave, he’d somehow run into Kuroo and the two would go out for coffee. It happened so often, seemingly a new tradition, that even Bokuto would join in sometimes. He goes on with his life but it’s hard and he knows he keeps saying that, but he was hurting and Oikawa had absolutely no idea. It doesn’t go unnoticed by him when the little things become big things like how Oikawa and he have slowly began drifting apart and hanging out less. Their usual daily Skype session turned into weekly sessions until even they too turned into monthly sessions.

It’s okay, Iwaizumi would say. Oikawa was probably busy, _it’s okay_ , he’d tell himself over and over. Iwaizumi was busy too.

Iwaizumi looked past the several times Oikawa would excuse himself to answer Ishikawa’s call whenever it was just the two of them hanging out after having not seen one another for days at a time. He’d see his friend off with a smile and just shrug, telling him _“Don’t keep her waiting, dumbass,”_ before looking away and busying himself with something else. He tried to ignore the way Oikawa’s face lit up whenever he got a text from her or the way she touched him so casually as if they had known one another all their lives. It was hard, but Oikawa was still his best friend. It took months of heartbreak and acceptance but Iwaizumi was now beginning to see that he had no place here, at least, not in _that_ part of Oikawa’s life.

Ishikawa was here to stay and he had to respect that.

Maybe Hanamaki was right, maybe it _was_ time to let Oikawa go.

 

* * *

 

He goes back home to Miyagi with Sawamura, Sugawara, Oikawa, and surprisingly, Kuroo too for the holidays. They all pile into Sawamura’s van with enough clothes to last them a week or two.  Meanwhile, Bokuto and Yaku stayed in Tokyo, wanting to spend the holidays with their families and other loved ones. It’s a chilly morning in December, a few days before Christmas actually, when Iwaizumi finds himself being dragged out of bed by Oikawa who won’t stop pulling on his arm. _“Come on, Iwa-chan! Hurry up!”_ He stifled a yawn and could vaguely hear Oikawa in the background as the two take a drive over to their old high school. It isn’t until he stands outside the familiar gym doors that a wave of nostalgia hits him right on the chest, effectively waking him up. When was the last time he stood here? His last year of high school? That time had seemed so long ago that he almost feels like he should knock on the door or something.

“Nuh-uh Iwa-chan,” Oikawa hummed out as Iwaizumi turned to look at him. The brunet was sporting a cheeky grin on his face as he twirled a set of keys around with his pointer finger. “Don’t be such a stranger! I, the great Oikawa-san and you, the brutish Iwa-chan, will always have a home here!”

“You never gave back the gym key, did you?” Iwaizumi asked, his tone very flat. “You know that’s called stealing, right?”

Oikawa chuckled triumphantly and stuck out his tongue playfully. “Calm down, Iwa-chan! Irihata-sensei won’t mind.” He pointedly ignored the suspicious look Iwaizumi gave him and unlocked the door, inhaling deeply and exhaling just as deeply. The gym was as lively as ever; the sounds of squeaking shoes and volleyballs making contact made them both feel a tad bit nostalgic. Sure, they heard the same sounds practically every week because of their own practices, but standing in front of Aobajousai? This was _home_. “Thank you for having us!” They both shouted and bowed. Hearing various cries of _“Oikawa-san! Iwaizumi-san!”_ had them practically smiling themselves. “Yoohoo, everyone!” Oikawa greeted, waving. “We came to see how you’re all doing!”

“Pardon the intrusion though,” Iwaizumi added respectfully as he bowed once more to Irihata-sensei.

“Aa, Iwaizumi, Oikawa. What took you two so long?”” Irihata asked back as nudged his head over to the other side of the net where Matsukawa and Hanamaki were waving with cheeky grins. “Go warm up.”

They split up the teams like they usually did during practice games but this time the old starting line-up was on one side and the new one was on the other side. Iwaizumi felt the familiar and comforting presence of his friends standing beside him but watched Oikawa fondly as he held back, allowing Yahaba, the new captain, to dictate the plays. He would offer suggestions and hints every now and then but anyone could see that Yahaba was in charge. On the other hand, it was little funny how easily Oikawa and Iwaizumi assimilated back into their old ways; their moves were in sync and their combo was unmatched. The feeling of spiking Oikawa’s tosses again made warmth bloom in his chest because despite the distance and time apart, they still had it. They still had those times when Oikawa would toss to him if he was ever in a pinch, their synergy practically rivaling that of Karasuno’s freak-duo.

The wing spiker is proud; here he is, standing together with the best team on Earth and with utmost confidence, he could say that his underclassmen had improved. Yahaba, the outspoken and loyal captain who believed in his team, was confident as the team’s new setter – no longer did he feel unable to follow in Oikawa’s footsteps. Kyoutani, the once abrasive and reckless wing spiker was now a reliable ace. Watari had always been a solid libero and the backbone of them all, but as he watched the younger boy dive around the court and connect, he knew those were the movements of someone who had been practicing very hard. Kindaichi, precious Kindaichi, was less hesitant in speaking up about the tosses he preferred and confident in the blocks he was doing. Kunimi was even showing a bit more motivation and his game sense was improving, pushing his body to move in response to any ball, even balls close to the edge. Looking over at Oikawa, he chuckled. “ _You see it too, don’t you?_ ”

_“Of course, I do,”_ Oikawa replied wordlessly. “ _The team with the better six is stronger.”_  

Minutes dissolved into hours and the entire team goes out to eat after practice; their treat, the upperclassmen all say and it’s the most fun Iwaizumi has had in a long time. They laugh together and hang out, just like old times. He, Hanamaki, and Matsukawa pick on Oikawa like usual while the underclassmen grin at their antics and after a few hours, everyone departs for the day except Oikawa, Kindaichi, and Iwaizumi who are the only ones left. They drive him home because that’s what responsible adults do (and because the bread shop by Kindaichi’s house sells the best milk bread) until it’s just them again. Kindaichi bids the two childhood friends goodbye and they drive home, or at least, to Iwaizumi’s house anyway. The brunet is a charmer, embracing Iwaizumi’s mother so tenderly as if she were his own and they all make small talk before retreating to Iwaizumi’s room.

Oikawa fell back onto Iwaizumi’s bed, spreading his arms out wide and sighing contently. “I’m so full! Milk bread really is the best!” Rolling his neck to look at his best friend who was putting his stuff away, Oikawa hummed. “It’s so nice being back, I feel like it’s been ages since I’ve seen everyone.”

“It wouldn’t hurt to visit some more,” Iwaizumi scolded. “I’m sure your family misses you a lot.”

“Just because Iwa-chan has all the free time in the world and comes back every other week doesn’t mean that everyone else has that luxury! I am a very busy person, you know.”

“Is that a fact?” Moving back over to his bed, the wing spiker raised a leg to shove Oikawa a bit to make room for him. Typical, even in his own room, Oikawa commanded all the space. Iwaizumi settled comfortably, leaning back against the wall adjacent to his bed as he began flipping through the issue of this month’s Volleyball Monthly. “What’s got you so busy?”

“Well,” Oikawa began as he reached over to poke at Iwaizumi’s forehead. “I have a girlfriend, which you don’t. I am the team’s star setter, which you aren’t because you’re a spiker, I have classes and volleyball to keep up with, and lastly, because I just am.” He stuck his tongue out playfully before rolling over onto his stomach to lay his head in Iwaizumi’s lap. With his eyes closed, he failed to see Iwaizumi stiffen in response and nuzzled his cheek against the comforting scent of his friend’s cologne. “I missed you, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa sighed. “We haven’t been able to hang out in forever.”

“Yeah? You’ve been _busy_ , after all,” Iwaizumi replied, keeping his tone light.

Oikawa snorted. “You’ve been busy too, Iwa-chan.”

They both fell into a companionable silence with neither of the two saying anything until Oikawa ultimately fell asleep. Oikawa, who still had his head in Iwaizumi’s lap, was snoring softly as his bangs fell over his eyes. Iwaizumi watched him sleep, debating what he should do. The old Iwaizumi, the one from a time before Oikawa had a girlfriend, would have simply rolled over and slept beside his best friend, covering them both with his blanket until he too fell asleep but the new Iwaizumi was different, he couldn’t do it anymore. Sleeping beside his friend like this, as platonic as it might have seemed, was wrong. This wasn’t fair to Oikawa _or_ Ishikawa.

It wasn’t her fault, if anything, it was his for thinking he could love Oikawa from afar and be okay. _“I knew this would happen,”_ Iwaizumi thought. _“I knew he’d find a girlfriend or a wife or have kids someday but,”_ it was so much harder to acknowledge that that day was finally here. Falling in love with Oikawa had been so easy, but staying in love with him? Iwaizumi didn’t know if he could do it anymore. He felt like he was dying a little more with each and every day. He felt fake, like a liar who didn’t even have the guts to tell his best friend what he really felt. Did he even have a right to call himself Oikawa’s best friend? “ _I have to tell him,”_ Iwaizumi thought finally. _“I can’t keep lying to him forever.”_


	4. starlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No matter what, you'll always be my best friend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loves Me Not now has cover art by the ever so amazing Tammy (@dahliadenoire) so please make sure to check out her work and support her! ♥

Christmas Eve brought another chilly morning to December; the windows were slightly frosted, the air was breezy, and the temperature was annoyingly cold. It was only eight or so in the morning but Iwaizumi was already up, dressed, and awake. A usual occurrence for him, he always seemed to rise with the sun. Ironically enough, it was Oikawa who took to the moon.

Iwaizumi stared at the neatly wrapped Christmas present in his hands before sucking in a nervous breath. “Today’s the day,” he told himself. “Today’s the day I finally tell him how I feel.” Ever since his encounter with Oikawa the other day, confessing to his best friend became the only thing that occupied his mind. With Oikawa and Ishikawa getting closer and closer, his time was running out. He had consulted Matsukawa and Hanamaki first, telling them that he needed to do this, and while they did give him their support, they also cautioned his heart.

_“Just be careful, okay?” Hanamaki said. “It might hurt.”_

To be honest, he was prepared, or to be more accurate, he was ready for it. He probably could have avoided this heartbreak years ago if he had just confessed but he was a coward. The last thing he ever wanted was for Oikawa to hate him and although he knew that Oikawa would never _truly_ hate him, the thought of it still scared him. “But I’m still going to do it,” Iwaizumi told himself. “I owe it to him…” The wing spiker then sighed. “I owe it to myself too.” With another shake of his head, he gathered his things and began making his way over to Oikawa’s house. The present felt heavier in his hands but he walked confidently, passing by his neighbors’ houses. The snow crunched under his feet but the thought of seeing Oikawa warmed him better than any jacket ever could.

It wasn’t a long walk, maybe five minutes at the most, and he was greeted by Oikawa’s family. Embracing Oikawa’s mother like as if she were his own, he smiled bashfully when he she kissed his forehead. He shook Oikawa’s father’s hand and each gave them their respective presents (a scarf for her and cuff links for him) before Oikawa came down the stairs, already dressed and ready to go. He was wearing his usual set of maroon pants and black peacoat. His glasses were low on his face but it was cute. The two best friends said their goodbyes before leaving and getting on with their day.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa spent their Christmas Eve like they always did: together. They first made a stop by Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s apartment as the four of them had long planned to get breakfast together upon their reunion. They went to a café that had Hanamaki’s favorite creampuffs and as the wing spiker adoringly popped them into his mouth, Iwaizumi couldn’t help but grin at his friend. It felt good to be home, really it did, and with Hanamaki and Matsukawa here, it put Iwaizumi at ease. Any nerves he had about confessing to Oikawa were strangely gone and his heart was quiet. There was just something about the two that calmed him; maybe it was Matsukawa’s easy-going attitude or Hanamaki’s supportive grin, but Iwaizumi truly felt at peace with himself. _“I can do this,”_ he thought.

 

* * *

 

The minutes melted into hours until it was just the two of them again and as the night fell and stars lit the sky, Iwaizumi found himself standing quietly beside Oikawa. They were in companionable silence until Oikawa broke it with a gentle sigh. “I missed this,” Oikawa admitted softly. He folded his arms along the iron railing and rested his face on top of them, leaning against the fence. With stars in his eyes, he watched fondly at all the various families and couples below him as they walked the streets of Sendai. “This is my favorite time of year.”

Iwaizumi smiled. “Mine too.”

It had always been their tradition, ever since they were little kids, to visit Sendai during the Pageant of Light. It was like walking through a tunnel of trees lined with starlight. Their own little makeshift cosmos, the illuminated street gave off a comforting sense of warmth amongst the cold, frigid air of winter. The trees were always so intricated decorated, some boasting hundreds upon thousands of Christmas lights, that even Oikawa thought they were stars as a child.

“The lights, the people, the stars… I forgot how nice it all was.” There was a loving and dazed look in those brown eyes that had Iwaizumi absolutely captivated. Oikawa was so beautiful, so, so beautiful. His smile looked soft, as if he had been kissed by the moonlight. “I love it out here,” the setter sighed out.

“I love _you_ , Oikawa,” Iwaizumi confessed.

Oikawa stopped. “What?”

Iwaizumi chuckled as he shook his head fondly. “You know, I think I always loved you.” Reaching up to rub the back of his head, his chuckle dissolved into that of an honest laugh. “Do you remember when we were kids, I used to catch fireflies for you? You thought they were stars that fell out of the sky and I thought if I could get even a piece of the galaxy for you, it’d make you happy.”

“They did,” the brunet replied almost breathlessly.

“You were a huge crybaby back then, still are actually, but you always smiled when I came back with one for you. Your whole face would light up and even though your eyes were all shiny and you had snot coming out of your nose, you were so happy. It didn’t matter how upset you were, when you smiled at me, you meant it. For so many years, I kept that memory with me. I dreamt of that smile almost every night, the one you reserved only for me, and when I realize why it resonated so strongly with me, I knew it had to be love.” He grinned at his best friend, closing his eyes as he did so. “I love you so much.”

“You love me?”

“Yeah.”

Oikawa smiled hesitantly, “Can I ask why?”

“That depends, are you going to make fun of me?” When Oikawa promised that he wouldn’t, Iwaizumi gave him a suspicious look that clearly said, _“I don’t believe you,”_ but shrugged anyway, humoring him. He turned towards the younger boy, and nodded at Oikawa’s hands. “Can I?” He was met with a genuinely confused look but Oikawa nodded back, trusting him completely. Very gently, Iwaizumi took Oikawa’s hands into his, holding them so his palms were facing upwards. “Your hands. I love them.” Iwaizumi ran his thumb along the setter’s palm, smoothing his thumb against the soft skin. “These hands are so capable and yet they’ve been through so much. I remember they almost struct a little first year prodigy back in middle school.”

“I hate geniuses,” Oikawa replied almost instantly. “But I shouldn’t have tried to hit Tobio. That was wrong.”

Smoothing his thumb along the creases of Oikawa’s palm, Iwaizumi nodded. “It was, but I’m sure you’ve always known.” He felt Oikawa’s fingers tremble slightly at that and Iwaizumi responded in kind, brushing by them once more. They were soft and fractured, brought on by years of hardship and fragility. “I love you,” he said again. “Your ambition, your realistic self-awareness, your intensity – I love them all.”

Red dusted Oikawa’s cheeks as his breath caught slightly. “Iwa-chan?”

At the mention of his name, Iwaizumi chuckled, holding onto Oikawa’s hands tenderly. “Sorry, you look so cute right now. I really wish I could kiss you.” The brunet’s eyes danced at that, Iwaizumi’s warm admission giving him courage. “Thank you for barging into my life and never leaving. Thank you for all those times you’ve picked me up and set me straight. You’re something I never thought could exist for me and you will always be the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I don’t regret falling in love with you.”

“Iwa-chan…” Oikawa trailed off, his heart beating profusely. “I’m –”

“I know you’re with Ishikawa now and I know the timing sucks, but there were so many times when I wanted to tell you. Back when you got your Best Setter Award in middle school, after we lost Shiratorizawa, after Karasuno... All the birthdays, all the Christmases, and those nights we stayed up talking… I could have told you our whole lives but I never did, I kept it in. If I had been better about showing my affections, maybe the future would have been different.” Letting their hands fall, Iwaizumi’s eyes casted downwards as he smiled sadly. “...but now it’s too late.”

“Iwa-chan…”

Iwaizumi inclined his head slightly, a shadow falling over his face. “I just,” he began, pausing to find the right words. He fell silent and Oikawa let him, patiently waiting for the words he knew Iwaizumi had always wanted to say. “I just couldn’t lie to you anymore,” he finished. When Oikawa didn’t say anything in reply, Iwaizumi took that as a sign that he should leave it at that. Not out of embarrassment or rejection, but to give the younger boy his space. He wasn’t sure if anything would change between the two of them and while he couldn’t promise that he’d fall out of love with Oikawa, he at least took the first step in moving on.

“Come on Oikawa, let’s go home.”

 

* * *

 

It was in the middle of the night when Iwaizumi felt Oikawa shift beside him bed. Although he was certain he’d wake up alone tonight, it seemed the confession did nothing to deter Oikawa from getting up sometime during the night and slipping into bed with him. The lack of Oikawa’s cold, clammy hands under his shirt was strange but after the events of earlier that night, Iwaizumi was grateful Oikawa still valued their moments like this. The former ace could hear the steady sound of Oikawa’s breathing and would have thought that he was asleep had it not been for the gentle weight he then felt against his back. “Iwa-chan? Are you awake?”

Iwaizumi didn’t reply, feigning sleep.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to love you, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whispered. “We’ve known each other for so long that I can read you like an open book and yet, I had no idea you were hurting all this time. Some best friend I am, huh?” His voice was small as he moved to grab the end of Iwaizumi’s shirt, holding onto it tightly. “We were always so desperate to break the wall in front of us that I never really thought about it, a girlfriend I mean, but then I met Hiyori and things just seemed to fall into place.”

The wing spiker couldn’t stop himself from visibly stiffening at that. _“No offense Shittykawa, but I really don’t want to hear how much better you two are for each other.”_

“She’s a lot like you,” Oikawa admitted quietly. “Maybe that’s why Hiyori and I work so well together.” Inclining his head slightly so that his forehead was pressed up against the back of Iwaizumi’s neck, Oikawa’s voice grew quiet. “You were always looking at me, weren’t you? You were always looking at the real me. You’ve known me my entire life; there wasn’t a time that you weren’t there by my side, but you know what? No matter what, you’ll always be my best friend.”  

“You’ll always be my best friend too, Oikawa,” Iwaizumi replied softly, unable to hold back his words. Rolling over so he faced his best friend, he offered him and small smile. “You knew I wasn’t asleep, huh?”

“Of course, I knew.”

“Why’d you keep talking, then?”

Oikawa gave him an even look. “You left before I could say anything earlier.”

Iwaizumi could hear the frustration in Oikawa’s voice and frowned. “I wasn’t expecting anything in return.” To be fair, he just wanted to confess and be done with it. It wasn’t like Oikawa felt the same way or anything, right? The thought of Oikawa somehow returning his feelings seemed like something out of a dream. Still, he couldn’t help but ask. “What was it you wanted to tell me?”

“Thank you for loving me all this time, Iwa-chan.”

The slight pause in Oikawa’s voice made Iwaizumi look up and it was like time had stopped. There was a faint blush that dusted Oikawa’s cheeks that made his burn in unison. Unable to help himself, he covered his face in his hands, shielding his eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Oikawa.” God, he looked so cute. Holy hell, did Oikawa look so cute right now. “I want to kiss you so bad,” Iwaizumi murmured shamefully, his face reddening more and more. “Please, just go to sleep.”

Despite how awkward the situation should have been, both boys felt relatively at ease. Oikawa was laughing and poking at Iwaizumi’s cheeks, teasing him relentlessly. “It looks like the great _‘Oikawa Charm’_ got to you too huh, Iwa-chan?”

“Don’t make me push you off this bed, Shittykawa!”

It felt like an act of finality; Iwaizumi confessed and Oikawa let him. They were still partners and they were still best friends. That in of itself was enough, it really was. He knew Oikawa wouldn’t reject him but he felt at peace with himself, like a weight had just been lifted. Oikawa was amazing and Iwaizumi loved him more than words could say, but it wasn’t necessarily a goodbye, more like a thank you.

And honestly? He was okay with that.


	5. 4:30 am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wait what? That’s why your hair looks so stupid?”
> 
> “Oi,” Kuroo cut in, feeling the need to defend himself. “My hair is not stupid.”
> 
> “It’s a little stupid.”
> 
> “It’s not stupid.”
> 
> “It’s a little stupid,” Iwaizumi repeated.
> 
> Kuroo was quiet for a moment before, “It’s not stupid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry for KuroIwa because I came to love writing their interactions and tbh give the boy a chance to just have fun and focus on himself for a change lmao but don't fret, IwaOi is endgame. Casual dating more like we're just good friends that kiss sometimes.

“Sorry for being late!”

Looking up at the familiar voice, Iwaizumi raised a brow as Kuroo sheepishly walked in through the front door to Sawamura’s house. He was rubbing the back of his head and was laughing apologetically as Sawamura started to lecture him about being late. Despite how scary the wing spiker got when he was angry, Iwaizumi couldn’t help but grin.

There was a playful look in Kuroo’s eyes as he held up his hand in yet another apology. “Sorry, sorry!”

“Honestly,” Sawamura huffed, placing his hands on his hips. “You should have been here an hour ago! Don’t let it happen again!”

Sugawara floated over to him almost immediately, a cheeky smile on his face. “Now, now,” he chuckled, pulling his ornery boyfriend back down to the couch. “He made it, that’s what counts, right? Lighten up, Daichi! It’s Christmas!” The setter must have had some higher power over Sawamura because the former captain calmed down almost instantly, practically melting into Sugawara’s embrace.

Watching the two briefly, Iwaizumi smiled a bit to himself before he felt the couch shift some more. Glancing to his right, he saw that Kuroo had taken a seat beside him. “Where were you? You know Sawamura hates it when people are late.” He wasn’t quite sure when Sawamura (or was it Sugawara?) had planned this, but it was decided that everyone would be spending Christmas at Sawamura’s for the night. His family was away in Osaka for the holidays, leaving him to watch over the house while they were gone and so here they all were, spending Christmas together. Apparently Karasuno had been here earlier to help set up but there were little decorations scattered about the house; some lights, wreaths, and random mistletoes tied to things.

Kuroo flashed him a winning smirk. “I had a date.”

“With who? Tsukishima?”

“Yep.”

“Wow,” Iwaizumi nodded, seemingly impressed. After a few seconds however, he raised a brow. “Now, where did you actually go?”

The taller of the two immediately busted out laughing at that, clutching at his sides. “Damn,” Kuroo cursed, Iwaizumi catching him red-handed. Wiping away the small tear that appeared at the corner of his eyes, the middle blocker leaned back and settled comfortably against the sofa. “I took a train back to Tokyo to spend some time with my family and Kenma, my best friend.”

“Wow,” Iwaizumi said again, this time legitimately impressed. Tokyo was two and half hours away by train and for Kuroo to have visited his loved ones and make it back to Sendai just to spend Christmas with him and the others? That was pretty cool of him. “I had no idea you were actually a good person.”

“Oi! I’ll have you know I’m a very nice person!”

Iwaizumi laughed at that, his shoulders shaking with mirth. “Don’t tell me; you always hold doors open for people, you’re always the first one to offer your seat to the old man boarding the train, and you do your homework as soon as you get the chance to.” The former ace looked at his friend’s face and saw how shocked Kuroo was, knowing full well that he hit the mark. “Am I right?”

Kuroo grunted somewhat embarrassingly before diving forward to rush Iwaizumi. “I’m a good person, so what?” Throwing an arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulders and pulling the shorter boy towards him, he brought their heads closer together and ruffled Iwaizumi’s spikes. “Stick with me and maybe you’ll get rid of that unhealthy perma-scowl on your face.”  

“What the hell? I do _not_ have a perma-scowl.”

“Sure, you do,” Kuroo said. “See this?” Moving to press his other pointer finger directly in between Iwaizumi’s eyebrows, he applied gentle pressure right against the crease. “This is called a perma-scowl; it happens when grumpy people such as yourself constantly frown too much.” To emphasize his point, Kuroo pushed his finger downwards and caused Iwaizumi’s brows to knit together. “Tsukki still has time to get rid of it but it might be too late for you.”

Rather than shrugging Kuroo off like usual, Iwaizumi simply rolled his eyes. “You’re a moron.”

“I may be a moron but at least I’m not the one with a perma-scowl,” Kuroo pointed out. Respectful of Iwaizumi’s space however, Kuroo removed his arm and settled back against the sofa once more. “So, what have you been up to since you’ve been back? Did you visit your cute little underclassmen?”

“I did actually. Oikawa and I went the other day.”

“How are they doing?”

A sense of pride swelled in his chest as he thought back to his old high school team. He was eager to see where their volleyball would take them and how far they’d go as they climbed their way to the top. He and the others (Oikawa, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki) already swore to make it to as many as games as they could during the spring tournament to support them all. “Karasuno and Shiratorizawa have no idea what they’re up against,” Iwaizumi smirked. “Your cats better watch out.”

“Oh?” Kuroo inclined his head, raising his brow in a challenging way. “How about you little country bumpkins make it to Nationals first?”

Iwaizumi chuckled darkly at that and instinctively moved to roll up his right sleeve, exposing his harden bicep. “You want to go?”

“Loser buys coffee for the entire week,” Kuroo accepted, a smug smile on his face.

They shake on it, gruffly, and Iwaizumi made sure to squeeze even harder than usual. His grip was firm and strong but Kuroo didn’t seem fazed. He only smirked as he responded with just enough strength to establish himself. Kuroo’s hands were interesting though; they were large and his fingers were long. Unlike Oikawa’s whose palms were soft (due to all the moisture and skincare he made sure to do), Kuroo’s hands were rather rough. “ _Of course._ _He is a middle blocker after all,” Iwaizumi_ thought matter-of-factly but just as he was about to contemplate them further, he was interrupted by the sound of Sawamura’s front door opening again.

Sawamura greeted them with a grin. “Oh, you guys made it.”

“Nice place you got here, Sawamura,” Hanamaki commented lazily once he and Matsukawa entered in through the household. They were removing their winter coats and scarves, their cheeks slightly flushed from the cold air. “Sorry we’re late though, we got held up at the convenience store.”

“We didn’t want to come empty-handed,” Matsukawa added. Once he finished putting away his things, he held up a plastic bag for everyone to see. “We got cake.” Placing the bag on the coffee table, he removed the cake, and set it neatly in the center. “We would have come earlier but someone wanted to stop by the bakery first to get their specialty creampuffs before they closed.”

Hanamaki, who was currently helping Sawamura set up the table, stopped and pointed at his boyfriend with a tiny, plastic fork. “Are you indirectly dragging me, Issei?”

“No,” Matsukawa replied easily. Moving over to help however, he hummed somewhat amusingly. “I’m directly dragging you.”

Iwaizumi watched their exchange with a small grin before getting up as well to help set up with Kuroo following not too far behind. The boys then all did their part to help set up the little get-together that Sawamura (or was it Sugawara, Iwaizumi still wasn’t exactly sure) was having and as time went on, one by one, more people starting trickling in through the door. First, it was the big guy with the long hair, Azumane, and then after that, it was their libero, Nishinoya who Iwaizumi remembered from his last visit to Karasuno. Tanaka, the bald one, came with Ennoshita and the other third-years while the second-years came next. He noticed how Kuroo immediately went over to Tsukishima the moment he came, talking animatedly to the blond who didn’t quite reciprocate his enthusiasm but continued to talk to Kuroo anyway. Kageyama also talked to him throughout the night; he asked Iwaizumi how things had been going, how his volleyball team were doing, and even how Oikawa was.

 

* * *

 

“I’ll be right back,” Iwaizumi said. “I need to go stretch my legs a bit, I feel like I’ve been sitting too long.” Lifting a hand in farewell, Iwaizumi stood to his feet and left the living room, closing the door behind him to drown out the noise a little. He walked over to the main entrance of the house and stepped down, slipping on his shoes. As he kicked the tips of his shoes into place, he pulled out his phone out of habit and checked it, swiping his thumb up and down. He had several messages from his underclassmen and a few from his college team wishing him well. He chuckled somewhat fondly, skimming through them. “I’ll make sure to answer those later.” He didn’t bother to lace his shoes since he only wanted to step outside for a bit but when he blindly reached out to his right to turn off the light, he heard the jingle of bells.  

Iwaizumi furrowed a brow and glanced to his side and saw a mistletoe tied unconventionally to the light switch by the door. He grunted amusingly at that, Sugawara’s words from before entering his mind. _“Oh, those are Tanaka and Nishinoya’s…”_ Iwaizumi doesn’t exactly remember but it apparently had something to do with their female manager. He studied it briefly before shaking his head.  “Those poor bastards.” He then heard approaching footsteps and looked behind his shoulder to see Kuroo walking out of the kitchen. He was the on the phone with someone and was swirling his drink around absentmindedly as he talked.

“Just go for it, man! Akaashi will love it.”

The wing spiker’s face crinkled a bit as Iwaizumi struggled to figure out who Kuro was talking to. The name ‘Akaashi’ seemed familiar though, he swore he’s heard the name before. _“Who’s he talking to? Bokuto?”_ He knew of Bokuto and Kuroo’s close friendship so it honestly probably was him, but who was Akaashi? Iwaizumi was silent as he listened, fully turning around to face the younger boy.

Having not noticed Iwaizumi’s presence, Kuroo kept talking and leaned back against the wall. “Trust me, Bokuto. Have I ever let you down before?” Bokuto said something in reply and it must not have been what Kuroo wanted to hear because he rolled his eyes response. “Okay, that doesn’t count... What! I am _not_ an enabler! It was your fault that time!” Kuroo let out an aggravated sigh and set his drink down on the side table next to him. “Just hear me out, alright? I feel like it could be good for him. These things are designed to help people so just go and get one for him, okay? You still have time before the stores close.”

 _“Wow,”_ Iwaizumi thought. _“Kuroo really is a good guy; I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more selfless person in my life.”_

Kuroo was quiet for a moment before he nodded at something Bokuto said. “Don’t worry buddy, you got this. My phone’s on, just call me if you need me.” With a click, the middle blocker hung up the phone and pocketed it. “Poor bastard, he’s in so deep.” He pivoted on his feet and made a move to pick up his drink but stopped, having just now noticed someone else in the room. “I wasn’t aware I had an audience,” he said somewhat amusingly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” Iwaizumi replied, feeling lame. “I was on my way out to go stretch my legs a bit.” He looked away as he spoke, Kuroo’s eyes on him practically burning him in place. He wasn’t sure what it was about those cat-like eyes, but they seemed to pierce right through him. “You’re a really good guy, aren’t you Kuroo…?”

Kuroo’s brows furrowed slightly at that but he chose not to reply. Instead, his amber eyes swept towards the right, looking at Iwaizumi’s face briefly, before moving onto the light switch that still had the mistletoe hanging off of it. He walked forward, taking large strides, until he was face-to-face with Iwaizumi.

Holding his ground, Iwaizumi looked up at his friend. “What is it?” He watched as the middle blocker placed a hand over the light switch, fingers brushing by the mistletoe’s ribbons, and leaned down. A click sounded as both the hallway and main entrance became shrouded in darkness. “Kuroo…?”

“Can I kiss you?”

 

* * *

 

Maybe an hour into the party however, Sawamura’s doorbell rung once more and as the host went to answer it, Iwaizumi watched Sawamura’s fading back. “Is he expecting anyone else?” To his knowledge, everyone seemed to be here (minus Oikawa of course). His best friend told him before he left his house this morning that he was going to be spending Christmas with his sister’s side of the family as he hadn’t seen them in a while but would try to make if he could. Despite that though, the voice that chimed in once the door opened was familiar to his ears.

“Ah, Sawamura-kun! Sorry, we’re late!” Oikawa practically sang.

The wing spiker blinked. “ _’We?’”_ Iwaizumi parroted mentally. Did Oikawa bring someone?

“She surprised me for Christmas!”

Iwaizumi’s eyes narrowed, his fingers clenching together involuntarily. Was it…?

“Hello, pardon the intrusion,” came a small voice and although the party was in full-swing and everyone was talking loudly around him, Iwaizumi knew that voice. It was a voice he had heard many times before in circumstances he wished he hadn’t.

The sounds of the door shutting thudded behind them as Sawamura joined in the conversation. “Don’t worry about it, welcome! You must be Oikawa’s girlfriend.”

Although Sawamura’s words were friendly, even Iwaizumi could hear the caution in the former captain’s voice. He must have not have expected her, but to be fair, Iwaizumi didn’t either. Wasn’t she supposed to be in Tokyo with her family or something? What was she doing here? “ _And why didn’t Oikawa tell me she was here…?”_ He grew quiet as Oikawa started introducing her to everyone but he knew better than to get frustrated. _“Get a grip on yourself,”_ he berated himself. _“It’s over.”_ Still, seeing Oikawa and Ishikawa together still made his heart twist painfully in his chest. When they moved over to Hanamaki and Matsukawa, it was Matsukawa who sent a worried glance in his direction but Iwaizumi only shrugged – there wasn’t anything he could do about it, not anymore anyway. _“Just try to enjoy yourself, Hajime.”_

 

* * *

 

As the hours dwindled by, it got to a point when some people began exchanging gifts with one another. They all gathered together in their own individual groups but were all cozied up in Sawamura’s sizeable living room so it still felt unified in a way. Throughout the whole process, Iwaizumi saw a variety of gifts: Kageyama got a pair of kneepads, Sawamura got Sugawara a new scarf, Kuroo gave Tsukishima a keychain of a raptor’s claw, and he himself gave Oikawa a new pair of headphones. Oikawa’s gift to him was a Godzilla charm for his phone which (he wasn’t going to lie) did make his heart flutter a bit.

More gifts were exchanged but as Iwaizumi studied Ishikawa and Oikawa over on the other side of the room, he felt apprehensive.  He couldn’t hear them over the sounds of everyone partying but from what he could see, she was eagerly (but shyly) waiting from him to open her gift. Oikawa unwrapped it, was quiet for a few seconds, before surging forward and enveloping her in his arms. “Hiyori-chan!” The brunet practically cried, clear as day, before kissing her soundly right on the mouth.

She kissed him lightly yet thoroughly at the same time, placing a hand on his chest. “It’s yours if you’ll take it,” she replied once they pulled away from one another. She was blushing cutely, her cheeks a shade of pink.

The former ace saw something twinkle and shine in Oikawa’s hands and that’s when it happened – Iwaizumi froze.

A key. Ishikawa gave Oikawa a key.   _A fucking key._

Oikawa and Ishikawa were together, he knew that. He’s known that for a while now, but seeing the two of them like this? Kissing one another like they were the only two people in the universe and holding onto each other like this was their last moments together? And now possibly even moving in together? He couldn’t take it. _“I need to go.”_ The wing spiker stood to his feet, already feeling a pair of amber eyes following his every move, and excused himself. “That’s it for me guys, I’ve get to going. I promised my parents that I’d spend some time with them too.”

Sawamura placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and cuffed it lightly. “Thanks for coming, Iwaizumi.”

While his words were sincere, Iwaizumi pointedly ignored the worried look in his friend’s eyes. “Thanks for having me. Merry Christmas, Sawamura.” Anyone who knew of his situation could see the tension in Iwaizumi’s shoulders as he walked away. They all shared concerned glances at one another, unsure as to follow or what they should do as they all wanted to respect Iwaizumi’s space, but ultimately, it was Oikawa whose eyes screamed for forgiveness once he noticed Iwaizumi’s departure. 

Something thundered in Oikawa’s chest as he cried out, “Iwa-chan!”

Iwaizumi didn’t stop, causing Oikawa to quickly press a chaste kiss to Ishikawa’s cheek before running after his best friend. By the time he reached him however, the wing spiker was already out the door. “Iwa-chan, wait!” Reaching forward, he grabbed onto Iwaizumi’s hand. “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have been so… That was insensitive of me, I just –”

The wing spiker was silent for a moment before exhaling slowly. He turned around and held onto Oikawa’s hand, interlocking their fingers together. Iwaizumi offered his friend a smile, albeit a sad one, and just shrugged good-naturedly. “Why are you apologizing, dumbass? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You know what I mean.”

“It’ll pass, don’t worry.”

“Iwa-chan...”

To soothe the younger boy, Iwaizumi used his other hand to tenderly brush away Oikawa’s bangs. “I’m happy for you, Oikawa. I really am.” Oikawa opened his mouth to interject but Iwaizumi shook his head, hushing him gently. “I think I’m going to go home for a while, I’ll call you, okay?”  A few more minutes passed before Iwaizumi spoke again. “I just need some time, alright? I’ll be okay, I promise.”

Oikawa’s voice was small as he spoke. “But will you, really? How do you know?” Iwaizumi didn’t reply at first but after some time, probably contemplation on Iwaizumi’s part, the wing spiker leaned forward, and ghosted his lips against Oikawa’s forehead. The kiss should have been small, somewhat insignificant even, but as Oikawa felt reality rip through him, all he could do was stand there. Why did he suddenly feel like Iwaizumi was pulling away from him?

“Go back inside, Oikawa. You’ll catch a cold,” was what Iwaizumi said.

 _“I love you, Oikawa,”_ was what Oikawa heard.

Iwaizumi pulled away and gave his best friend a small wave before turning around and practically marching away. His shoulders were tense but he tried his best to relax, not wanting Oikawa to see. It wasn’t until he felt wetness against his skin did he realize. _“Dammit, don’t do this right now.”_

God, he really hated crying.

 

* * *

 

The shrill ringing of his cell phone pulled him out of his sleep and he practically groaned with disdain. Fumbling around slightly, he blindly groped around for his phone before answering it, bringing it to his ear with an irritated grunt. “What?!” He asked, more so demanded.  He honestly wasn’t sure who it was that was calling but whoever it was, they better have a good fucking reason for calling in the middle of the night. “Do you even know what time it is?!”

Kuroo laughed, _“Maybe like 4:30 in the morning?”_

“This is the first thing you do after asking to kiss me? I’m hanging up.”

_“Aw, don’t be like that.”_

“What do you want, Kuroo? It’s too early for this.”

_“Just look outside.”_

The phone went dead after that, leaving Iwaizumi with no choice but to get up. Throwing on a hoodie and some charcoal-colored sweats, he took a peak outside his window. His eyes swept from left-to-right as he tried to locate his friend but thankfully, it didn’t take long. Even in the semi-darkness of twilight, he could see Kuroo’s ridiculous bedhead. He was carrying something and had it slung over his shoulder, a duffel bag, maybe? “What in the hell?” He pulled his curtains to the side and dialed his friend’s number, holding his phone up to his ear, and poking his head outside of the window. “What the hell are you doing?”

Looking up at him, the middle blocker grinned smugly. _“Want to take the first train back to Tokyo with me?”_

Iwaizumi looked at him like he was fucking crazy. “Are you serious?” Although he was still currently in the process of thinking it over, he was already moving towards his own duffel bag and stuffing it with his things. Kuroo must have been crazy; the first train ride back to Tokyo? That probably wasn’t until six or so in the morning? What did he expect to do for the time being? He then moved over to his bathroom and packed his toothbrush and other necessities. This was crazy, _he_ was crazy for doing this, but honestly?

Fuck it.

“Give me ten minutes,” Iwaizumi said finally.

 

* * *

 

In a weird, unorthodox way, it almost felt like they were road-tripping (back-packing?) together. He and Kuroo had walked to the station since the buses weren’t operating yet, bought canned coffee out of some vending machines to keep warm, and stopped by a 24-hour convenience for some power bars because Kuroo got hungry. Once they made it to the station, they waited outside on the benches until the trains came, talking to one another conversationally. “Wait what? _That’s_ why your hair looks so stupid?”

“Oi,” Kuroo cut in, feeling the need to defend himself. “My hair is not stupid.”

“It’s a little stupid.”

“It’s not stupid.”

“It’s a little stupid,” Iwaizumi repeated.

Kuroo was quiet for a moment before, “It’s not stupid.”

Offering to humor his friend instead, Iwaizumi simply let the matter drop. The wind picked up slightly as tiny flurries of snow began blowing in the wind. Holding his hang out with his palm facing upwards, he watched as the snowflakes fell and melted against his skin. “Why’d you do all this?”

“I don’t know, just felt like it I guess.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“That you felt sorry for me and this is your way of trying to cheer me up.”

The former captain sighed and moved to dust the snow off his hair. “I’m just tired of seeing you beat yourself up over this. Everyone deserves to be happy, even you. I mean when was the last time you just had fun and ordered a bunch of food you knew you wouldn't be able to finish or had a fling just because you could?”

Iwaizumi shook his head at that and frowned. He had never been a spontaneous person by nature; he wasn’t like Kuroo or Kyoutani who did things simply because they could. He always had such a hard time with his feelings, his own, _personal_ feelings anyway, specifically the ones he could never articulate into words. While it was true he never denied his love for Oikawa (except to maybe Oikawa himself), the idea of _“Just treat yourself, Hajime!”_ seemed foreign to him. “I’m just not that kind of person.”

With another sigh, Kuroo swiveled around and laid down on his half of the bench. His body was a bit too long for the space though because he was forced to throw his legs over the arm of the bench in order to get comfortable. “It’s okay, I know.” The middle blocker looked up to the coloring sky, feeling the cold touch his face. “Just do things at your own pace.” He then yawned, his eyes fluttering closed. “Wake me up when the train comes.”

 _“You drag me out here at 4:30 in the morning, make me walk a couple of miles to the nearest station in freezing temperatures just to have me wake you up when the train comes?”_ Iwaizumi thought with a roll of his eyes. A gentle breeze passed as the wing spiker felt Kuroo shift closer to him in response to it. _“This guy…”_

Kuroo was interesting, that much was obvious. He had a reputation for being an asshole, always provoking people but at his core, Kuroo was a good person, a genuinely good person at that. His intentions were never malicious either because Kuroo always knew exactly what to say to encourage people to do their best.

He’s heard it from Sawamura many times before about how Kuroo took it upon himself to personally train Tsukishima and even from Yaku about how desperately Kuroo tried to make Nekomata-sensei’s dreams come true. And although he hadn’t really known Kuroo for long, Iwaizumi trusted him. The former captain was reliable with leadership skills that practically rivaled Oikawa’s… _“Tsukishima’s a lucky kid,”_ Iwaizumi thought. _“It must be nice to be loved by someone like Kuroo.”_

“I can feel you looking at me, you know,” Kuroo said, interrupting his thoughts.

Iwaizumi let out a laugh, lying through his teeth. “Sorry, I’m just trying to figure out what the hell you’re doing.”

“I’m trying to sleep?”

“Why bother? Don’t you need your pillows?”

A pair of amber-colored eyes opened at that as Kuroo crossed his arms over his chest. “Oikawa was right, you’re not cute at all.”  

“Yeah?” Iwaizumi mocked. “ _You_ were the one who asked to kiss me earlier.” For the past few months, he and Kuroo had grown strangely close. The two friends had grown close enough to the point that neither one felt awkward about the encounter, but at least for Iwaizumi, it left him wondering why. Why did Kuroo ask to kiss him? Was it because of the mistletoe? Or was it because of something more? Before he could stop himself, he had to ask. “Why did you ask to kiss me earlier?”

“I think anyone would have kissed you if you looked at them like that,” Kuroo replied with a laugh. “I’m not sure what came over me, but I just felt like I wanted to kiss you.” Shifting in place once more (was Kuroo really a cat? He moved practically all the time), he used his arms as a makeshift pillow. “I don’t really get it either but I am sorry if it made you uncomfortable or anything.”

Iwaizumi waved him off. “Nah, don’t apologize. I wasn’t bothered at all, just surprised really. I didn’t think you had feelings for me.”

“Well I don’t,” Kuroo laughed. “But I probably could.”

Thankfully (or was it unthankfully?), the clock in the station chimed loudly six times, signaling that it was now six in the morning. People started pouring through the doors, all checking their phones, listening to music, or silently making their way to their designated platforms. The nice thing about living in Miyagi was that their stations usually weren’t _too_ crowded during the holiday season, and although the trains were still technically on the holiday schedule, Iwaizumi found himself missing the tranquil atmosphere he and Kuroo shared not too long ago. Their train would be here soon, at 6:07 to be exact, and as Kuroo offered him an earbud to listen to some music while they waited, Iwaizumi found himself thinking quietly.

Did he have it in him to start dating Kuroo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering what Kuroo told Bokuto to get Akaashi for Christmas, it's a fidget spinner.


	6. first steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know why I thought it’d be easy.”
> 
> The setter’s voice was kind, careful even. _“I never imagined it would be.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to take a moment to dedicate this chapter to Ally ([@allykat023](http://allykat023.tumblr.com)) who has been nothing but the biggest support and help these last few days in regards to this fic. You are amazing, an inspiration, and the only one who feels as strongly as I do about Kuroo and I love that about you. Thank you for being my muse and helping me with this chapter. I love you to the moon and back <3 Also, a big s/o to my support group in [haikyuuwriters](http://haikyuuwriters.tumblr.com) and my wives (Ally, Cel, Dezzy, Lubna, and Madame) for always motivating me to keep writing no matter how shitty it is <3
> 
> This chapter took a bit because I wasn't sure how to properly convey Iwaizumi's state of mind right now. Sure he's confessed and accepted Oikawa's relationship but has he really? Feelings are a _mess_ after all and it's going to hurt **a lot** before it gets better so I hope I did a good job conveying the internal struggle Iwaizumi is going through right now. And in keeping up with the tradition of all my writing, this is completely unedited because that's how we roll ~

The train ride back to Tokyo was like any other ride, albeit maybe a little less crowded than usual, but overall, fine. He and Kuroo talked, listened to music, and made plans for coffee once day broke. Kuroo’s apartment was closer and since they didn’t want to lug around duffel bags all day, they decided to make a quick stop at the apartment. Although they made promises of things they wanted to do, as soon as their bags touched the floor did they too sink down and let sleep overtake them. He and Kuroo were so exhausted that they passed out right on the floor, not even bothering to take out the guest futons.

When morning came, Iwaizumi let out a groan as he rolled over onto his back and shielded his eyes from the offending sunlight pouring in through the window. He didn’t know what time it was but vaguely remembered that it was Monday, the day after Christmas. Shifting slightly in an effort to get more comfortable, he groaned once more. His back was stiff from sleeping on the hard, wooden floor of Kuroo’s apartment and while he’s never been one to complain, the lack of a futon really wasn’t good for his back.  Knowing it was probably well past his normal rising time however, the former ace figured he should at least _try_ to get up. “Kuroo,” he called out, blinding groping around until he made contact with Kuroo’s track jacket.

Kuroo made some noise of acknowledgement and shifted slightly, still seemingly asleep.

“Oi, you awake?” Iwaizumi asked again, tugging on his sleeve.

Since nothing seemed to work, Iwaizumi turned towards him and saw that the middle blocker was laying down on his stomach, still asleep. He was covering his ears and had his arms pressed up against the sides of his head as makeshift pillows, almost as if he was trying to somehow simulate his usual sleeping method. “Go back to sleep,” Kuroo mumbled after some time, his words slightly slurred.

“It’s late.”

“We don’t know that.”

“We definitely _do_ know that,” Iwaizumi returned. “Come on, I’ll even treat you.”

A low hum rumbled from Kuroo’s throat as he reached out and hooked an arm around Iwaizumi’s neck. Ignoring the surprised yelp from Iwaizumi, the younger boy pulled him closer and sighed contently at his new pillow. “You can treat me later,” he murmured, all too ready to fall back asleep. “Let’s just have a lazy morning.”

Iwaizumi grunted and lightly shoved himself away from the offending middle blocker. “Oi, you’re too close.”

“You’re not close enough,” Kuroo argued. “Stop moving around and just lay here with me, will you?”

Furrowing his brows at that, Iwaizumi let out an amused grunt, before settling against his friend comfortably. It was strange how easily he was able to adapt to Kuroo's mannerisms but then again, it was honestly a testament to him as a person. The former captain was an interesting man, Iwaizumi thought. He was annoyingly clever and perceptive but he was kind as well –  something the wing spiker appreciated. The wing spiker wasn't sure why but a part of him wanted to know more about Kuroo but he figured it was nothing more than a passing thought. "Hey Kuroo?" Iwaizumi called, nudging him with his shoulder. "What's your friend like?"

Kuroo opened an eye at that. "Hm? Who?"

"I think you said his name was Kenma? The one you visited yesterday when you went back to Tokyo."

The middle blocker chuckled lowly, finally opening both of his eyes. "Oh Kenma? He's my best friend; I've known him for years. He's pretty cool, but quiet sometimes. He's never been one to get overly excited about things or voice his opinions though because he's afraid of what people might think of him." Kuroo sighed, leaning his head back against Iwaizumi's in an attempt to get more comfortable. "Despite all that though, he actually gets along quite well with Karasuno's Chibi-chan."

Iwaizumi chuckled amusingly at that. "Karasuno's Chibi-chan, huh?"

"The one we all know and love," Kuroo agreed with a little laugh of his own. "Hold on, let me roll over onto my back. I can feel my arm getting numb." Unhooking his arm from Iwaizumi's neck, the dark-haired boy shifted and outstretched his arm again, nodding his head at his friend. "Okay, you can come back now."

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Iwaizumi complied, allowing himself to lay back down against Kuroo.

Once Iwaizumi made himself comfortable, Kuroo continued. "I was the one who actually introduced him to volleyball but he never really liked sports back then. It took him a bit but he did grow to like volleyball." Sighing softly again under his breath, Kuroo's voice turned solemn. "There was a time though when he almost quit."

"What happened?"

“There were a lot of people and well, I’m surprised he was able to handle that many. I know for sure he didn’t like when the upperclassmen used their seniority to be bossy but I told him that he was good and that his skills were needed," Kuroo explained easily. "He's not good with people and doesn't like interacting with them so he's often concerned with what they think. Because of that however, he's become very good at observing people."

The corner of Iwaizumi's lips curled upwards into a small smile. "Damn, I wish we could have played against you guys."

Kuroo simply winked at him in response. "How about the country bumpkins make it to Nationals first?" The middle blocker then shifted slightly, causing Iwaizumi to sink even closer to him. "Kenma comes up with good theories. Theories like, _"I bet this guy moves like this,"_ or _"He's been watching you all game, do this instead,"_ and it's because of that that he's considered the backbone of Nekoma. He's our brain and heart." Kuroo smiled. "He's one of the most amazing people I know."

Iwaizumi was quiet as he listened. It was endearing in a way, listening to Kuroo talk about his best friend like that. But to be fair, Kuroo had been surprising him a lot lately. He had always known the other to be a genuinely good guy but at his core, Kuroo really _was_ a good guy. Thinking back to the night before and seeing how attentive Kuroo had been with Bokuto was honestly pretty cool. "Wow," Iwaizumi interjected, causing the younger boy to look at him confusingly. "You're a really good guy, aren't you, Kuroo?"

"Always the tone of surprise," Kuroo laughed. Lifting a hand straight up and clenching his fingers together until they formed a fist, Kuroo furrowed his brows together in thought. "We're like the blood in our veins. We must flow without stopping. Keep the oxygen moving and your mind working.”

“What the hell is that?”

“It’s just a speech I do before every game,” Kuroo explained. “It’s supposed to be thought-provoking.”

“It sounds embarrassing,” Iwaizumi laughed.

Rolling over onto his side so he was face-to-face with Iwaizumi, Kuroo took his fist and made a move to dig it into Iwaizumi’s skull but Iwaizumi caught him easily, fingers wrapping around his wrist almost immediately. “You’re really not cute at all, are you? Kenma thinks the same thing!”

Iwaizumi chuckled as he made a move to sit up, making sure to flash a challenging smirk at Kuroo. “It depends who you ask.” He stretched out his stiff limbs once more, feeling his back crack, and stood to his feet with a hand extended. “Alright, get up already. Let’s go for a run or something.”

“I’ll do you one better,” Kuroo mischievously smirked back, allowing the other to pull him to his feet. “You got your gear, right?”

 

* * *

 

“Holy shit,” Iwaizumi swore.

Kuroo grinned, crossing his arms. “Yeah, it’s pretty nice, isn’t it?”

Iwaizumi didn’t even reply, still in an absolute state of shock and awe because Raijin University’s facility was fucking _amazing_. There had to be at least four floors or something because it was absolutely massive. He could see hundreds of cardio machines likes treadmills, bikes, and ellipticals as well as several free weights and other machines like rowers and climbers for building strength and muscles on an entirely different floor. He could hear the sounds of shoes squeaking against waxed floors and knew there had to be a couple of courts here too. “It's so nice, what the hell?! Can I live here?”

"It better be nice," Kuroo laughed, adjusting the strap of his duffel bag. "We're a school that favors athletics so I would hope we'd have the facilities to back it up. Then again, I’ve heard this entire place was funded entirely from parking tickets." Using one hand to swipe his ID card to gain access to the gym, he extended out the other one with his palm facing upwards. "Give me your ID though, I have to go sign you in as a guest."

Once again, Iwaizumi didn't even reply. He blindly reached for his wallet and gave Kuroo what he asked for with no more questions asked, still reveling in the atmosphere of the gym. _"How much is their fucking tuition?"_ Looking back towards the information desk where Kuroo was and the free weights that he desperately wanted to try out, Iwaizumi started getting restless. _“What should I do today? Chest? Back? Upper-body? Lower-body? Can I do them all?”_ That last one wasn’t realistic but Iwaizumi could dream, couldn’t he?

"Hey, hey, hey!" Bokuto suddenly shouted.

Turning his attention towards the voice, Iwaizumi saw Bokuto making his way towards him excitedly, practically waving both of his arms. "Hey Bokuto," he greeted easily, acknowledging the other with a nod. Looking up at him with an easy grin, he was pleasantly surprised to see him dressed in a comfortable (but breathable) set of dark shorts and a sleeveless shirt. "I didn't know you'd be coming too."

"Yeah, Kuroo texted me earlier and told me to come along.” Bokuto crossed his arms and raised a brow somewhat challengingly. “I’m one of the few people he trusts to spot him.” There was a small, but very noticeable competitive edge in his voice that did not go unnoticed by Iwaizumi and honestly? It left him feeling a little competitive too. “We _always_ work out together," Bokuto added in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Is that right?” Iwaizumi asked, playing along and smirking easily. “I’m sure I could handle him.”

Good-naturedly, Bokuto wiggled his brows. “It’s leg day.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Kuroo whistled loudly, getting the attention of his friends. “Hey Bo,” he greeted once the former captain looked at him. “Are you guys good to go?” Upon handing Iwaizumi his guest pass, Kuroo nudged his head in direction of the locker rooms. “Let’s get going before the lunch rush gets in.” Not needing to be told twice, Bokuto and Iwaizumi nodded in response and all three began making their way towards the locker rooms. They put their stuff away, got their gear, and moved towards the free weights to do some lifting.

After taking the time to properly stretch out his muscles, Iwaizumi took a moment to study his friends while tucking in his headphones. Whereas he himself preferred to listen to music while he worked out in order to pump himself up, Bokuto didn’t. He seemed to psych himself with excitement alone but Kuroo on the other hand seemed to blast his music right from the very start, almost loud enough for those around him to hear it.  The wing spiker quietly took note of the intensity in which Kuroo prepped himself; his brows were turned downwards, eyes focused forward, and his form was perfect. It was rare to see him so concentrated (or maybe he never noticed) but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t at least appreciate that look in his eyes.

“You good, Iwaizumi?” Bokuto asked, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. “Ready to go?”

Instinctively putting in his headphones, Iwaizumi nodded. “Yeah, I’m good. Just do whatever you guys usually do, I’ll be fine.”

They started off with some easy sets and reps, readying their muscles for the later sets. Iwaizumi kept up relatively easily, pausing to catch his breath every now and then, but overall, kept up just fine. They each took turns and spotted each other, all encouraging one another to push through the pain and keep up their strength. For being the lightest of the three, Iwaizumi definitely made sure to leave an impression on the others. He genuinely loved working out and didn’t like losing; pushing himself as hard as he could because really, who didn’t love a friendly competition between friends? He certainly wasn’t a beginner when it came to lifting and he was definitely hellbent on establishing himself amongst the former captains.

Bokuto was amazing and incredibly strong but it was his stamina that left Iwaizumi in awe. The former captain’s endurance was unlike anything he had ever seen; Bokuto pushed himself hard and concentrated so intensely that it made him realize how much of a reliable ace Bokuto really was. He admired that, being an ace himself, and hoped that one day he’d be an even greater ace than he already was

Kuroo had incredibly leg strength as well, him being a middle blocker and all. His jumping prowess definitely showed. Although Iwaizumi prided himself on his own jumping ability, it’d be ignorant of him to overlook Kuroo’s expertise. Middle blockers typically jumped the entire game and whereas he as a wing spiker could rest between rotations with different spikers coming in or decoys taking the attention away from him, Kuroo had to be ready at all times for an attack. Iwaizumi liked to think that he could handle a good bit of a weight but Kuroo was something else entirely, able to squat more than even Bokuto. Whenever they would switch off, Iwaizumi would take the opportunity to just observe him, his eyes never leaving Kuroo’s face and form. A part of him admired the strength and power in Kuroo’s legs; the curve of his calves glistening with sweat and drawing his gaze. It wasn’t until Kuroo caught him staring and smirked that he quickly averted his eyes and busied himself with changing the song on his phone. 

The tallest of the three winked at him almost immediately after. “You’re up, Iwaizumi.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Iwaizumi replied back, waving a hand to indicate he heard him. He really need to be more aware of his surroundings, _especially_ when he was in the presence of Kuroo. The former captain was too smart for his own damn good and incredibly perceptive, often meddling when he shouldn’t. _“Even still, Kuroo isn’t a bad guy.”_

It was true.

Kuroo really _was_ a good guy and Iwaizumi really liked that about him.

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi really didn’t start feeling it in his legs until he was forced to climb the stairs up to Kuroo’s apartment. He was sore and wanted nothing more than to just rest his muscles and crawl into bed. Thankfully, he didn’t have to make the trip to his own apartment because Kuroo just told him to spend the night again. _“Just take Oikawa’s room. I mean you usually do anyway, right?”_ So here he was, freshly showered, laying in Oikawa’s bed, and staring up at the ceiling. The middle blocker had retired for the night already, saying something about wanting to watch a movie with Kenma over Skype, and told him he’d see him in the morning.

“What should I do now?” The wing spiker asked, somewhat bored. It wasn’t too late at night, maybe nine at the most, but he didn’t know what else to do. Bokuto wasn’t here either since he chose to go back home to spend some more time with his family, promising that he’d come by again tomorrow to hang out. Picking up the cell phone he had lying beside him, Iwaizumi swiped this thumb to the right and thumbed through his contacts. There were a few unanswered text messages from his underclassmen and upperclassmen that he still needed to reply to but he honestly wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone. Moving onto his favorites’ tab, his eyes lingered on Oikawa’s name briefly before a fond chuckle escaped his lips. “I did say I’d call him today,” he mused.

 _“Hello? Iwa-chan?”_ Oikawa asked, picking up on the first ring. _“Iwa-chan, where are you? I went over to your house today and Auntie said you weren’t home!”_

Chuckling lightly under his breath, Iwaizumi grinned. “Sorry, I actually went back to Tokyo today.”

_“What? Why?”_

“It was kind of spontaneous thing? Kuroo showed up at my house at like four in the morning and we took the first train back.”

_“That’s not good, Iwa-chan. You’ll get wrinkles on your face if you stay up late.”_

“You’re the _last_ person who gets to tell me that,” Iwaizumi chastised. “What did you do today?”

 _“I showed Hiyori around Miyagi,”_ the setter replied, his voice a little quiet.

Iwaizumi frowned almost immediately, not liking the change in Oikawa’s voice. It was almost as if he was trying to be mindful and careful of what he was saying and he did not like it one bit. _“What the hell is he doing? Is this because of me?”_ Clearing his throat, the wing spiker opted for another approach. “Really? That’s oddly nice of you,” Iwaizumi commented, talking over Oikawa’s loud protest of _“So rude, Iwa-chan!”_ and was extra careful to keep his tone light. “Where’d you guys go?”

 _“First, we went to the bakery that sells my favorite milkbread, the one by Kindaichi’s house,”_ – “Typical,” Iwaizumi interjected at the same time – _“And then, I showed her around Seijou,”_ Oikawa finished, completely ignoring his best friend. _“I also introduced her to Makki and Mattsun! We went out for dinner together and I made sure to take lots of pictures to spite you! You know Makki still rubs it in my face how often you all still hang out together?”_

 _“Well that’s certainly interesting,”_ Iwaizumi thought amusingly. Making a mental note to text Hanamaki and Matsukawa about that later, he absentmindedly reached out a fist towards the ceiling just as he had seen Kuroo do earlier that morning. “Yeah? How’d that go?”

Oikawa grunted cutely before recounting his dinner with Ishikawa, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki. He told him how slightly overwhelmed Ishikawa was over how much ramen they all ate and how he had lost a bet and was forced to pay for their meal. _“I didn’t think she could finish it, it was so much!”_ Oikawa admitted with a genuine laugh. Iwaizumi could practically see him rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment and the visual he managed to conjure up was adorable and it had him laughing along with him. His best friend sounded so incredibly happy that it truly warmed Iwaizumi’s heart.

“That sounds fun,” Iwaizumi replied. “Maybe when you guys get back, we can all go out for food.”

_“It’ll be your treat though.”_

The wing spiker laughed. “We’ll see.” Switching the gears up a bit, Oikawa then told Iwaizumi to him about his day. “I haven’t been up to much but I did hang out with Kuroo and Bokuto for most of the day. We went to the gym, worked out, and got some dinner afterwards. It was leg day too.” The wing spiker shifted slightly, rolling over onto his stomach. “Kuroo left to go hang out with his setter and my legs ache too much to move so now I’m here, on the phone with you.”

 _“Eventful,”_ Oikawa mockingly agreed. _“Well, don’t worry. I, the great Oikawa-san, is here for you now.”_

“I better hang up then.”

_“Iwa-chan!”_

Folding his arms over the pillow and burrowing his face in them, Iwaizumi grinned. “I’m kidding!” He exclaimed, his voice slightly muffled. He couldn’t help but laugh again, Oikawa soon joining, because honestly? He fucking missed this – not their late-night conversations or the sound of Oikawa’s voice, but just _this_ – a moment in time when only they mattered to each other. With Oikawa so busy with his new girlfriend and Iwaizumi himself pining behind him, he hadn’t felt like this in so long. He knew it was selfish of him to only want Oikawa’s attention, to be the only one Oikawa ever looked at, but he lost his chance the very moment Oikawa met Ishikawa. _“It sucks to admit that I did this to myself,”_ Iwaizumi mentally sighed. _“If only I had been more attentive and not a fucking coward –”_

 _“You’re not a coward,”_ Oikawa immediately reprimanded. _“Stop calling yourself that.”_

 _“Fuck, did I just say that out loud?”_ Iwaizumi thought, panicking slightly. “Did I –”

 _“Yes,”_ Oikawa answered. _“Stop beating yourself over this, Iwa-chan. You’ve done nothing wrong! I’m not going to keep letting you do this to yourself. None of this has been your fault.”_ His voice was strong and unwavering and in the back of his mind, Iwaizumi was instantly reminded of _why_ Oikawa was such a great leader. It was times like this that made Iwaizumi remember why he chose to follow Oikawa in the first place. _“We were so desperate to tear down the walls in front of us that we never thought about anything else. We tried to go higher, to a higher stage, and did everything we could to get there. But that’s never just it, we don’t stop here, remember?”_

Iwaizumi’s brows furrowed as he pushed himself upwards into a sitting position and threw his legs over the side of the bed with his front facing the door to Oikawa’s room. God, he felt like an idiot. How much had Oikawa been beating _himself_ up since his confession and blaming himself for all the wrong reasons? He was stupid to think that he was the only one hurting. He and Oikawa had been friends all their lives; of course, they were linked physically _and_ mentally. _“I’m a fucking idiot,”_ Iwaizumi cursed. _“I’m a fucking idiot and I really don’t deserve to be with a guy like that.”_ The wing spiker bit his lower lip hard and covered his eyes with the back of his arm, already feeling like his heart was about to burst again. “Because that’s what we do,” he began. “We push each and pull each other.”

 _“You kick me and tell me I’m a dumbass but I hit you and remind you that you’re one too,”_ the former captain said comfortingly. _“I know I haven’t been very good at keeping up with you and that’s my fault, but she was never going to in the way of that, I’d never let that happen. You’re my best friend, Iwa-chan.”_

He’d do anything if it meant being by Oikawa’s side, but he was a fool to think moving on would be so easy. _“I’m in love with the greatest person in the world and I love him more and more with every second.”_ It wasn’t possible to love someone as much as he did and successfully be able to turn away from it like some resolved story – it just wasn’t realistic. He should have known it was going to hurt and hurt and just keep hurting. He really didn’t want to blame anyone for anything but it was almost as if Oikawa had known that from the very beginning. “I love you Oikawa,” Iwaizumi said after some time, his chest tightening painfully. “I love you so much.”

 _“I know, Iwa-chan,”_ Oikawa soothed, his voice barely louder than a whisper. _“I just want you to be happy.”_

“I don’t know why I thought it’d be easy.”

The setter’s voice was kind, careful even. _“I never imagined it would be.”_

“I guess I should start with forgiving myself, huh?”

Oikawa chuckled gently. _“Not quite. Forgiving yourself means you did something wrong and you were never wrong in the first place.”_ There was a shuffle then, Oikawa probably settling into bed or something, before the distinct noise of a door opening sounded behind him. _“One sec, Iwa-chan. Sorry,”_ the setter quickly apologized, covering the phone with his hand as he turned around to acknowledge whoever was at the door.

Iwaizumi waited quietly, raking a hand through his hair as he took a moment to relax his rapidly aching heart. His eyes fluttered close as he inhaled deeply and exhaled just as deeply. _“How can I fall out of love with this guy when he says stuff like that? I was an idiot for thinking I could get over him so easily.”_ Over on Oikawa’s end of the phone, he could hear the muffled sounds of people talking in the background and frowned, suddenly feeling like he was intruding on something private. A series of scuffles came through once more when Oikawa’s voice came through the phone again.

_“Sorry about that, Iwa-chan! Hiyori’s here, I need to take her to the station –”_

“Can you put her on for me?” Iwaizumi asked.

Taken back, Oikawa stumbled a bit over his words. _“What? Are you sure?”_

“Yeah, please.” The wing spiker could hear the wariness in Oikawa’s voice and to be honest, he didn’t know what the hell he was doing either. The entire time Oikawa had been dating Ishikawa, he barely interacted with her. He was always careful in her presence; polite, but at a distance. He avoided one-on-one conversations unless prompted but he was suddenly feeling brave. When Oikawa gave him the okay, he called for Ishikawa, letting her on the phone.

_“Iwaizumi-kun?”_

“Hey Ishikawa,” Iwaizumi greeted, trying his best to sound cheerful. “I just wanted to thank you for taking care of Oikawa. He’s a dumbass that never knows when to quit so I’m going to ask you to keep watching over him for me, okay? Can you do that?” She was quiet for a moment before promising that she would, her voice earnest and sincere. “Thanks,” he said truthfully. “Can you put Oikawa back on?”

There was a scuffle once more before, _“Iwa-chan?”_

“You better treat her right, Oikawa. You understand me? You better make her the happiest girl in the world.” Iwaizumi could practically sense the nervousness in Oikawa and it made him smile sadly. “Make sure she gets home safe.” There was an air of finality in his voice again but he tried his best to push away that feeling of heartbreak piercing through him.

_“Will you be okay?”_

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

_“Can I call you tomorrow?”_

Letting out a laugh, Iwaizumi shook his head fondly. “Of course, you can.” After telling Oikawa he’d be looking forward to it and that they’d hang out again soon, both boys decided to call it for the night. Not even a second after he hung up the phone, the door to Oikawa’s room was thrown open and Kuroo came barging in.

“Alright, what the hell was that?” Kuroo asked, more so demanded.

Iwaizumi frowned. “What the hell was what?”

“You know what.”

Looking up at Kuroo somewhat tiredly, Iwaizumi met his gaze briefly before sighing and looking away. “So, you were listening, huh? Of course. I can’t catch a break when you’re around.” The younger boy didn’t answer so Iwaizumi took that as a yes and shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know why I thought it’d be easy to just move on. I’ve been in love with this guy for _years_. Feelings like that, they don’t just disappear – not all at once anyway.”

“What is it that you want?”

“I just want to be happy,” Iwaizumi answered truthfully. “I’m tired of hurting myself.”

“Get up then,” Kuroo challenged, reaching towards him and wrapping his long fingers around Iwaizumi’s wrist. “Start now.” He pulled the smaller boy towards him and helped him to his feet before whirling around making a beeline for the door. “I know I said to spend the night here but I change my mind. The first step is _not_ staying in Oikawa’s room. You can take mine or Bo’s and I’ll have whichever one you don’t pick.” Not giving Iwaizumi the chance to resist, Kuroo tugged him along, making sure to grab Iwaizumi’s stuff with his other hand. “I’m tired of you beating yourself over this and blaming yourself for falling in love.”

The retort was on hot on Iwaizumi’s lips and he could already feel his brows furrowing in response when he stopped, just now noticing how broad Kuroo’s back was. The middle blocker was a former captain and was known for his blocking prowess – even Bokuto hated spiking against him. Kuroo was a lot of things: snarky, clever, perceptive, but most importantly, he was _kind_. And although his methods were slightly unorthodox and he really did try to fight everyone he could, he was still, a very genuinely kind person. Sawamura always told him how Kuroo meddled his way into Tsukishima’s life but his intentions had always been good; he just wanted to see the otherwise uninspired teen succeed and to somehow make their dream come true of playing against one another on the National stage.

Iwaizumi wasn’t sure why he felt like Kuroo had a back he wouldn’t mind leaning on for a change. “Yours,” he found himself saying. “Let me stay in yours.” The fingers around his wrist tightened briefly before responding in kind, Kuroo’s thumb brushing against the pulse point in his wrist.

“Of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated! 
> 
> cover art: [@dahliadenoire](http://dahliadenoire.tumblr.com/post/158230730293/the-red-string-may-stretch-or-tangle-but-no)  
> twitter: [@aominaes](https://twitter.com/aominaes)  
> tumblr: [@serviceace](http://serviceace.tumblr.com)  
> iwaoi tumblr: [@dailyoiiwa](http://dailyoiiwa.tumblr.com)


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